mellow melee of manda

Maker Faire

2008-10-19T13:14:00.006-06:00

This weekend was Maker Faire. Don't worry, I'd never heard of it either. It was basically a fair highlighting and celebrating the artistic expression of scientists and engineers. Long story short, so many geeks, so little time. The attractions were many and diverse, like art cars, including one literally covered with in-sync 'Billy the Large-mouth Bass' dancing fish and lobsters, one of which was the conductor on a raised, telescoping platform keeping the beat for such hits as "Age of Aquarius" and "Bohemian Rhapsody". Taste in motion, let me tell you. There was a farmers market section, an indoor section full of books and do-it yourself science and craft projects, a barn full of sculpture and crafts exhibits, and an arena with a cage for robot combat and a Tesla coil show. There were giant kites and sculpture bikes, as well, by Austin Bike Zoo. Some were seemingly, if not really straight from Burning Man, with one holding 6 riders in the shape of a snake skeleton.

Oh, and it's Texas, so I couldn't neglect to mention the meat-on-a-stick pavilion with sausage, corn dogs, and turkey legs. It's not a fair without food that would otherwise be considered completely disgusting and certainly not finger-food.

My favorite part, for purely nostalgic reasons, was the life-sized Mousetrap game. A group from San Francisco brought in the elements that made up the game in one 53' semi-trailer and set up for 4 or 5 shows a day. The only part that didn't stay true to the game was the trap itself. Myself and my friends distinctly remember the 'trap' being a cage that fell over the mouse (thus mousetrap, not cheese-crush), but for what I can only assume were actual scientific reasons, this contraption included a real 600-lb safe. We weren't sure it was real at first, there was a part of the show which included Lucky, 'the strongest boy in the world', a 3-yr old in a red muscle suit that lifted a '2-ton' barbell, heaved over to his platform by four grown men. The barbell looked a whole lot like a few plastic toy tractor tires on a dowel, but that's no fun. When the bowling ball got through to the end of the obstacle course and tripped the lever to let the 'trap' come crashing down on the cardboard box painted to look like cheese, though, the ground shook.

It was not something I ever would have heard about on my own, and probably wouldn't have been inclined to go if I had, but it was a great, intellectually stimulating way to spend a day. All that was screaming to be tempered however, so we came to our own equilibrium by spending the evening drinking beer and avoiding all things smarty-pants. Mission accomplished!

Nutty

2008-10-04T15:42:00.003-06:00

This little one was very interested in me on my walk home the other day, which made me take notice. In the meantime I realized s/he was wearing a little leaf-skirt. Didn't seem to mind, either. Maybe s/he was analyzing my outfit choice? Although it may be a long-distance relationship (12 blocks), I may have found a deserving mate for Gus, my inquisitive gutter squirrel friend.

Speaking of nutty, life's been a whirlwind lately. No exciting, out-of-the-ordinary going's on, just minutes turning in to weeks and making my head spin. Every time I look up from my pile of work it's another Friday. I've been filling the time with lots of work and lots of play, tennis is now a weekly ritual, as soccer has been. With the Texas summer slowly but surely surrendering I'm enjoying running and being outside just that much more. Lately every time I finish a run I get a little nudge from Lance Armstrong or Paula Radcliffe thanks so my iPod telling me I've just recorded a new personal best or had my longest workout yet. I also went on my second pub-cycle, met almost all new people and had a great time.
I'm still in love with my little city, and keep finding new corners of it to hoard and savor. Each time my wonder and gratitude for being where I am overwhelm me I simultaneously wish everyone on Earth could feel this too, at some point in their lives, however fleeting. My heart still does a little dance when I hear a radio announcement for Austin, and I smile.

Out and About

2008-08-31T10:50:00.005-06:00

I've been trying to widen my social circle lately, actively pursuing situations, places and people I wouldn't usually come in contact with. I like the friends I have, but I don't want to waste an opportunity in this place to feel like I'm a part of the community, not just living here but being of the place. Walking down the street or going to the park and seeing someone I recognize is so gratifying. My natural inertia and need for my own space and time is absolutely necessary to my sanity, but I won't allow it to keep me from doing new things. My mantra right now is that I probably won't regret doing ____, but chances are I'll regret not doing it. That's been true for everything I've tried so far here. I've pushed myself out of my element, surprised myself a number of times by doing things completely unnatural to me, but I wouldn't have changed or traded those times for anything. I guess it started with bootcamp, then the soccer team full of people I didn't meet until 5 minutes before the first game; the pick-up games at Zilker that I hope to keep up indefinitely; random social events I've tripped into and then last night with the 'Drinkstrong' pub-crawl on bikes. My friend J. Danger sent me a link to a guy's posting on Craigslist, opening his and his friends' monthly tradition to the public, and I couldn't NOT reply. It was a bit of a dare, a 'hell, why not' moment, but as the date neared I wondered at the reality of the plan-I would ride my bike to a pub to meet up with people I've never met, never spoken to, never seen, to sit around and drink beer, then ride with them to another place to do the same, 5 times total. What are they about? I wondered. Are they hard-core road riders, intent on pushing themselves and competing wherever possible? Or are they more the 'stick it to the man' types, defying automobile convention and sticking their noses up at anything square? Something in between? I didn't even know which bike to ride. But, screw it, I thought. The first bar's not far away, I can scope them out, sit with them awhile, and make an excuse or just shade between bar 1 and 2 if it came to it. Be brave, little one! Go out in the world and be part of a story! So I did. I hopped on my bike with my new, gnarly lock slung over the bars and took off the three whole blocks to the meeting place. I was nervous, didn't know how I'd find anyone, and the bar staff hadn't heard of it (thought it was a great idea, though-I may have gotten my first recruit before I even met the group). I found them eventually and they were pretty much as the posting described: 20-30 somethings, musicians for the most part with supplemental jobs that were looking to widen their social circle and spread the joy of hanging out and riding. The musician thing was intimidating-I think they were a little too cool for me there, but they invited me back and I really think they meant it. A couple of the guys kept mentioning that I must think they were so lame, and were imagining what horrible things I would say to my friends when I got out of there. I didn't understand that, and told them as much-wondering why they thought I was a huge snob, and asked if I had a completely bored, snotty look on my face. Sure, I didn't know the people, but hanging out is hanging out-it's universally casual, no? I hope they got the message that it was a new, good experience-because it was.

So...Austin

2008-08-21T12:06:00.004-06:00

I had the perfect Austin night last night-a local radio station put on a show called "Blues on the Green" (I mean, come on, it's Austin-you know live music was involved) at Zilker Park, and it was an ideal night for it. The day started with a threat of rain but cleared as it wore on, with a slight cool breeze and just a few puffy clouds. By the time we got there it was high 80's or so-beautiful! The stars came out and so did the best of Austin. Families, preppies, hippies, women with too much plastic surgery and kids with too much weed and angst. It's sad that it's so unique in my experience to go to events in a city where there is such diversity involved. It lends a sense of community and peace to this place, though, which I relish.

The music was great, of course-I forgot to find out what band was playing but they did funky, toe-tapping blues, Little Richard covers and everything in between, seemingly flawlessly. I always forget, as a white girl, how relateable and great Blues can be. Everybody's got the Blues once in a while...

TIme Flies

2008-08-06T17:40:00.003-06:00

I've been in Austin for over six months, now. It's become pretty familiar, I don't have to google everything before leaving the house for addresses and directions, and I've hit almost every place that are 'must-dos' for visitors and residents thanks to some great tour guides (you know who you are *wink*). No Duck Tour yet, but I'll take some tourists the next time I have visitors (ahem). I've never doubted moving down here-not for a moment. Through the job-search, the moments of loneliness, some crazy weather, a car wreck, and an almost-stolen bicycle I've always known this is the place I'm supposed to be right now.
I've had a pretty eventful 6 mos, really-not only negatives, but good things, as well-I've got a good-paying job that isn't retail, isn't awful and allows for weekends and pays for my great little apartment right downtown; I've made some great friends and continue to do so while keeping in touch with great old ones; I've done a month of boot camp, 6 weeks of soccer, 3 weeks of Spinning so far and countless runs and rides all around the city with many including a nice moment of sitting in a local park or on a bench in the city, absorbing the beautiful, unique scenery. Last weekend I rode down a new (to me) trail just off Town Lake and stumbled upon the public pool I've heard so much about which is actually just an enclosed section of the stream, with people in- and outside the fence sunbathing, playing, wading and generally enjoying a hot Austin day. It was a very Austin scene, actually-dozens of kids in underwear, preppies sunbathing and flirting, hippies getting stoned-all in a 100-foot length of stream.

One thing that's been interesting to me is navigating in this new place. I've always had a great sense of direction, but it's hard to understand what cues even your own brain is using to get you around. Sometimes it's landmarks-going back to NYC in 2002 was disorienting because there were no twin towers to lead you South from all points in Manhattan. Sometimes it's just a feeling-your brain has tracked the turns you've made, or from which direction you've come, and you just feel your orientation to certain things whether you're inside or out. What I've noticed here, though, that I didn't expect, is how much general weather patterns have to do with it. In the Midwest weather moved from NW to SE. Period. Here, though, clouds run due North from the Gulf, and my brain specifically tagged that as strange. Just after moving everything was foreign, like being on vacation. My territory was only a mile or so in diameter, and I knew not to try to absorb much outside of that for a while, or I'd forget things. As that became mundane, I've spread out and now know how to get to nearly every area of town by major thoroughfares, and basically what they'll look like when I get there. The weather systems were just one of those categories of things that I had to systematically get used to. It's still so strange to hear that the city is preparing for Edouard, the tropical storm/hurricane coming in from the Gulf. Oh, and all you folks up there living in the mugginess that is the Midwest-you're right-it's NOT the heat, it is the humidity. I never adapted to summer up there, but here I'm out at all times of the day slightly sweaty, but not miserable. You can actually feel the breeze when the air's not saturated with 95-degree water!

My New Arsenal

2008-07-26T11:10:00.005-06:00

I've been walking all week since the attempted bike theft incident. Every time I set out I wish it were on my bike-I wish I were the type that could let things like that roll off my back without taking it the least bit personally. It's not like the slimeball that tried to take it was thinking about how I'd feel, and how will he feel when I've distanced myself from it enough to ride it again? Will he chuckle at the situation, shrug and keep going, or will it be a challenge for him to get it back, to think about my face as I walk out and realize it's worked this time? Or, am I giving even that too much thought? Reality is he probably cased it for a while, built up his nerve and has since forgotten the bike itself, if not the crazy story. I won't be using the same racks, and I'll probably lock it up in different spots everyday now, but I think I'll always hold my breath as I turn the corner in anticipation of seeing it.
I rode down to Lance's shop today and had a look at their selection, and picked out a gnarly combo of 'bike cuffs' and a cable that should be extremely difficult if not impossible to cut through, and even if it were freed from the post, would make it unrideable. All I can hope for is for the guy to think it's too much of a pain in the ass, I guess. I've also saved my serial number and checked with the insurance company to make sure it's covered in the meantime.
Of course I keep thinking 'why?'. Was he desperate for transpo, or cash from the pawn shop? Was it a junkie or a family man? Should I feel the pity I do, the guilt for having nice things that other people want to take?
My active hatred for retail employment had dulled until this incident. Watching people steal or return things they had obviously stolen shook me to the core while working retail, and made me angrier than anything I've encountered. The entitlement of the individual, and yet the flaws in the society that made them was stupefying. The fact that they all looked different than myself and I could see them coming, profiling them, made me feel guilty, angry and bitter towards the world, and I never wanted to feel that way again. Austin's not utopia, I knew that, but it just seems like the friendliness you encounter everyday, the sense of community, would prevent some of the mundane ugliness you see in other cities. I don't want to doubt, I don't want to have to think like a criminal to prevent suffering in my life. Reality sucks.

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Happy

2008-07-22T21:49:00.003-06:00

So I keep thinking of things in my simple, quiet life that bring me so much joy, but they're things you have to really pay attention in order to notice. I'll call them miniature joys. I've decided to try adding one a week on this page, so hold me to it. I'm a pretty observant person, so I could post one everyday, but I think we all know that's an unrealistic goal.
One thing I really like about myself is that I have always noticed little things around me and gotten a great deal of peace from those things. I need that time to be quiet, inside my head, and without it I feel myself falling into a sort of mania brought on by over-stimulation and manifested in a very grumpy, lazy attitude. Cartoons used to do it-my parents will tell you.
I like to hear the little things others notice that I may not have ever thought about, so I guess this is my way of opening a little advent-calendar window on my thought processes that might make someone else notice a miniature joy in their life. Enjoy.

KICK ASS!

2008-07-17T20:37:00.001-06:00

Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

This Onion Makes My Eyes Water...

2008-07-17T20:16:00.000-06:00

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

We Didn't Lose!

2008-07-16T21:35:00.002-06:00

We played our season-ending double-header last night, and had one rough game and one downright fun one. The first was against 'Your Mom', and I must say, MY mom never shoved me with a flat hand as I was walking away, but I guess people have different experiences growing up. The guys were aggressive but respectful, the girls were downright nasty. We lost, but only gave up a couple the first half, and our defense was a brick wall the second. We've officially decided that not only are we a second-half team, we're a second game team, because it all came together two fields over and 5 minutes after the first game. Our defense was rock-solid, our offense was passing and staying open for each other as if we'd drilled ourselves silly (in reality a weekly practice session never quite gelled). Although we got a goal for the other team (which was a beautiful directional-header straight into our net, oops), we ended in a tie. Had the ref actually known the league rules beforehand, we would have won, but don't get me started.

It was a short, painful, ugly season with a few glorious seconds thrown in, and I can't wait to do it again. If motivated, I have at least 3 chances a week to play el juego bonito, and a team that beat us wants to form a conglomerate to take over the world of super-social league soccer. Watch for us America, the as-of-yet unnamed team is coming straight for your nets!

This Week's Soccer Game:

2008-07-11T17:27:00.002-06:00

I don't want to talk about it.

GOOOOOOOOoooaaal!

2008-07-02T08:34:00.003-06:00

I actually got to see exactly this up close and personal last night. What a good feeling. We still got pummeled, but I got the only goal for our team, and it was a beauty.

Gold takes it to the outside, pushes up-Red tries to defend but can't get their
feet on it. The goalie, frustrated, comes out of the box for a save
and..MISSES! Mario crosses right in front of the net and it's...TAPPED IN
BY AMANDA!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOaaall! GOOOOOOOooooaaaal!!!! Beautiful
teamwork.

Looks like I'll be playing forward more often, well, for our last 3 games. I highly doubt we'll make it to the playoffs with our 0-3 record, but I'm starting to actually have fun out there even while losing miserably. I am taking on a Cubbie-like attitude, looking to our future seasons for success.

At one point I was laughing so hard I could hardly see because my teammate (Mario, that got the assist) was teasing a girl on the other team who kept squealing every time she had the ball and anyone got near her. He would yelp, or bark, or something, and from the other end of the field I'd hear "EEeek! Eeek!" It was hilarious. It reminded me of the time in high school on my indoor team that a girl on the other team tried to psych me out on a free kick by doing a little 'ooga-booga' dance in front of me. I just laughed, looked back at her and did the same thing back-even the audience of parents was laughing. I never understood what she thought I would do.

Onward, fellow footy lovers, and hopefully upward.

Ouch

2008-06-28T09:42:00.004-06:00

So, our record is now 0-2. BUT, we got twice the goals we had the week before. We're closing the gap, and this week we play another winless team. What that means to me is that next week it won't even be funny anymore, and I'll start taking our suckiness pretty personally. The second half was the best for us this week, we had a good goalie and I got my foot on the ball for a couple of nice clears and we didn't allow any goals that half.
The news for this week's game is that I'm going to try out a forward position. I hopped up there the first game because I thought no one would know what they were doing, so when I realized they really did, I dropped back to my defensive comfort zone for that game and the next. It's becoming ever clearer, however, that we might need to make some goals to have a chance to win, and I cringe at our team's lack of ball control up front. It's great that they can run, but if they can't pass to get out of a sticky situation or get their foot on the ball long enough to shoot, we don't have much of a chance. SO, I'm going to give it a shot, pun intended. I don't think I can totally humiliate myself, and some good might come of it. 'Girl goals' get two points to boy's one, and slide-tackling is illegal, so if it hurts, it probably won't need medical attention. Yeah, the whole double-standard thing could be a whole other post, but don't get me started. One of our goals last week got revoked because a female hadn't touched the ball before it crossed midfield. Yeah. Or...we could be grown-ups.

More 'Bad News' next week, I'm sure. I must admit, it's even fun to play when you're losing.

This was in '06!

2008-06-28T09:42:00.001-06:00

'We Like to Kick It'

2008-06-18T08:25:00.003-06:00

Yeah, so this was basically us last night. No, not the red guy.

We have 14 people on our team, supposedly, but all of 7 showed last night, which was promptly reduced to 6 when the ref bounced the guy with no shin guards a few seconds in to the game. Amazingly, I ended up playing forward for the first half, as I actually knew what I was doing and wasn't completely out of shape. I did my best as 'captain', which I didn't realize was my title until 5 minutes before the game. I was yelling and running my little behind off, but to no avail. We staved off the offense the first half, but with no subs on our side and constant subbing for the other team, we got worn out and gave up 4 the second. We got on the board with one textbook goal, somehow, and that felt so good.

I sent out an email updating the rest of our 'team' on our loss and sent a little guilt trip to get people to show next week. I figure if the captain has any duties besides calling the coin toss, that should be it, right? I just want to know where my fancy black arm band is.

I forgot how much fun it is to rush people and boot the ball away. "SHUT DOWN!" It's so not my personality to get a kick out of physical confrontation, but it's a passion of mine that I hope to practice for a long time. Maybe one day I could move up from "super social" to just plain "social" division. A girl can dream...

My Poor Baby!

2008-06-08T12:16:00.003-06:00

So, I was driving home from running errands last night and was in the left-most lane of a set of two right turn only lanes. The light turned green, and I took off, almost home with my purchases and ready to settle in to a movie when I heard a huge BANG!, felt my head get jerked around, and realized my car had started fish-tailing wildly, nearly spinning into any one of the three other lanes going my direction. I had the presence of mind to correct well enough to stop without hitting anyone, sit still for a minute and get my bearings as I sat at a 45 degree angle in the lane, and slowly move over to the side of the road. I made sure the other car was pulling over, too, and got on the phone to get the police there to make a report-I was sure the damage would be catastrophic. As you can see, somehow it wasn't.
To be completely honest, it sounds prejudiced and probably is; I was a little worried when I saw a huge blonde wig emerging from the other car in the rearview. For some reason, probably due to my extensive experience in the world of drag queens, big wig=big drama. She (it was actually a woman) asked me if I was OK and told me that she had wanted to go straight-to which I observed, a little loudly, perhaps-'it was a RIGHT TURN ONLY LANE!'. I didn't call her any names, even though the pain in my head and tightness in my jaw was making me a little cranky already, not to mention the gazillion hassle-filled steps that will now be necessary to right this situation going through my throbbing head.
We (read:she) made conversation while we waited for the police and I wrote down her insurance information. She is a very VERY strict church-going lady that doesn't like how "homosexual" (she actually said that!) Houston is.
The nice young policeman arrived and was completely bored by our situation. He gave us sheets to fill out and his schpeel about how to fill them out and send them in within 10 days, adding, quite unnecessarily I think, that if you don't send them in to have a record that you were actually there nothing would happen to you. UH, sir--do you need to say that to the lady that just said this was her fault before she goes back to Houston??
Anyways, now I get to deal with insurance companies, body shops, etc. all before I go out of town, of course. In the last three weeks I've gotten minor hail damage, my a/c died in my apartment when it's been 100 degrees every day, and now this. What is the universe trying to tell me, anyway? I'm listening, gosh!

Another reason to drive sensible cars...

2008-05-30T18:23:00.001-06:00

more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog

I got flowers!!

2008-05-17T16:06:00.003-06:00

Perfect.

Attack on the Domestic Savannah

2008-05-16T17:34:00.003-06:00

This is a home video I took a while back that randomly turned out well. I hoped to edit it as a nature-esque parody, but even with no sound effects or voice-over, you get the idea.

How old am I, you ask? Why, I'm twe--holy crap.

2008-05-16T17:18:00.003-06:00

This was my work environment today. You can't quite make out the confetti, birthday leis, miniature toys, chocolate eggs and jelly beans, but believe me when I tell you I was surrounded by mirth and junk-edible and otherwise. Surprisingly, I actually got all of my work done, but it was broken up with well-wishers, lunch at a fancy place a couple of blocks away on my coworkers, and rich, delicious cake. So, now that my bootcamp work has been tossed out the window all in one day, I'm sure I'll have a weekend of alternating moments of celebration and complete shock that I'm no longer in my twenties.

And you were there-and you, and you!

2008-05-16T16:37:00.007-06:00

So, Wednesday night I went to bed about 11, as usual. It had been rainy and stormy all day, but I remember reading somewhere right before I went to bed that the unsettled, stormy weather had passed Austin that afternoon, so I didn't think about what the weather would be like overnight.

I woke up at 12:30 to drunks screaming in the street. This is not unusual even for a Wednesday when you live across the street from an old neglected co-op with a sign in the window that reads "House of Nuts", especially when you have to think twice about what they mean by Nuts-the delicious and nutritious pecans that litter the neighborhood and their cousins? Is it a play on the street name, which translated from Spanish means nuts? Or, is it because the people inside are...interesting, and have littered-I mean decorated- their porch and yard (I don't want to imagine the inside) with old, stained furniture, multi-colored christmas lights, newspaper dispensers (pointed toward the house), children's toys and odd, disheveled 'landscaping'? The unusual part about the screaming in the street was that it was that panicky people-won't-know-I'm-scared-if-I-make-a-joke kind of screaming. What kept me awake was the huge gust of wind and constant flashes of lightening. This was followed quickly by pure chaos. I jumped out of bed to look out the window, fascinated by the quick change of events, and soon became confused as to what to do, frightened and just a little excited. I like storms. They finally grew on me, thanks to Dad, but this one was just past the verge of being no fun at all. The rain was horizontal, and was soon followed by at least golf-ball-sized hail, which set off my car alarm and made the 'nuts' stop running around in the street. I heard a couple of "OW!"s over the din, and heard no more from them for the duration. It only lasted about 20 minutes, but felt like forever. I tried to open my door and watch out the screen door but the wind and changes in pressure were so severe that the door would get sucked closed right out of my hands. I've learned since that this was a textbook supercell storm.

I was one of the lucky ones in my apt. complex-walking through to get my mail the next day I felt shattered glass crunch under my feet and looked up to see nearly all of the windows on one side of the building cracked or broken, and the screens had hail-shaped holes in them like swiss cheese.

The walk to work the next day took half-again as long as usual, what with weaving around and jumping over limbs and debris. It's always a shame when the big old shade trees are victims of such quick, violent weather. The photos are typical of what downtown Austin will probably look like for a week or two while landscapers, auto body shops and window salesmen make a killing. The music accompanying my birthday weekend will be the droning of chainsaws.

Panda Sneezing Fit

2008-05-14T20:32:00.001-06:00

Panda Sneeze Attack - Watch more free videos

This has to be one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

Words to live by...

2008-05-13T20:20:00.003-06:00

I read an interesting sign today. It said: " In the Spring, at the end of the day you should smell like dirt." After boot camp I wouldn't say I smell like dirt although I'm covered with it, but I like the reminder to get outside and play, find your 'inner child' and say to hell with fashion and pride. You'll live your moments more fully and make memories rather than watching your life fly by as it inevitably does.

Awareness Test

2008-05-10T16:03:00.002-06:00

2008-05-06T10:54:00.002-06:00

Well, I did it. I survived my first day of boot camp, and as the instructor, um, instructed-I didn't walk.

There was quite a range of people there, it seemed like at least half were returnees, and were talking about how their butts had changed, and such. Even still, I was in at least the middle of the pack, and I think I did better than a lot of them. The tall, thin guy that looked like a natural runner was walking after 3 or 4 minutes, the 'big-boned' fella with a beer gut found every excuse to get up from the exercise and talk to the trainer about something-his shoes hurting, or form, or whatever he could think of not to just do it, and the frat-boy-with-too-much-product looked like this was just his warm-up, doing the harder versions of all of the upper-body work and smirking. Punk. He'll get his, I'm sure. I'm of the school that if you blend in, you won't get picked on, and thus made to be even more sore than you would be anyway. And you would.

We ran, sprinted, dipped, pushed and ran some more, and finished with some decent stretching. We only did the upper-body workouts, which I'm not good at. I'm scared because I think today will be lower-body and abs. Ouch. I went straight home to a glass of chocolate soy milk (studies say it's best for muscle recovery), advil and an ice bath. My heartbeat was at least as high getting into the less than 40 degree water as when I was sprinting on the track an hour earlier. It was pretty bad getting my legs in, and then realized that I had to keep going, to get my arms and shoulders (bound to be the most painful, as they're the most wimpy) under the water. I kept thinking of the Titanic, for some reason...maybe it was the ice cube or two floating by, threatening to make me crack.

I wasn't as blotto as I thought I would be. I actually had a decent dinner, did a few things around the house that didn't require lifting my arms above my head (I've adapted well to that today, also), and got my stuff ready to go back. Today. Wait-I'm paying for this...??

Boo...

2008-05-02T11:27:00.002-06:00

Yesterday on my walk home all I found was a chewed quarter.

That's twenty-five times better than finding a chewed penny, though, I guess!

Huh...

2008-04-30T17:06:00.006-06:00

So, today was a weird day. Good, busy-but weird.

The last few days at work have been too slow. By the time I get a fairly decent amount of work, it's time to go home, and the day feels long and dull. Today, though, there was a steady stream of work-too much, really- plus projects, issues and follow ups to do. Why is it that those things never hit your desk when you're looking for things to do?
Anyway, there was also a retirement party for a lady who's been with the firm for 22+ years. Wow. I can't imagine living in one town for that long as an adult, let alone working at the same place. I can't fathom it. She was a character-Norma was her name. I'd heard her speaking to others in the breakroom and wondered at her accent-I honestly thought she must be joking. It was one of those slow Southern drawls that people use when they're impersonating a really ignorant person, but she was witty and bright, so it seemed like she was faking it, or something. One of her former bosses was telling a story about how a group of very proper Englishmen were visiting our office and Norma offered them a drink. They accepted her offer for a glass of water so she followed up by asking if they'd like some ice. Sounds perfectly normal, but say 'ice' with a strong drawl, and you'll understand why the guest was perplexed as to what she was asking, and wondered if he should be a little offended. Keep in mind the typical accent around here goes something like this: if you live in Kyle, Tx. you'd say "Ah live in Kahl." You get the picture.
Then, when I was walking home, I found a whole robin's egg, a Japanese 10 yen piece, and two black vultures in my way on the sidewalk.
See why I love to walk?

Awww...

2008-04-24T11:19:00.002-06:00

I'm taking a moment for some nostalgia for STL.

Wooo...WOOOooooo!

2008-04-23T18:44:00.002-06:00

This is actually a chunk of water chestnut with a few pieces of broccoli stuck to it, but it came out of my bag of mixed veggies like this. Yes, I am easily amused, but you giggled, didn't you? I'm not the only one . Not as clever as these guys, I'll grant you that.

Sicko

2008-04-22T17:24:00.004-06:00

I just bought myself my first big birthday present ever, and it's a little masochistic. It's a four-week, 12-session fitness boot camp to get in shape for the soccer club I plan on joining this summer. The sickest part about it is that I live in Texas. My first summer here and I'll be sweating away the evenings doing things I HATE, namely pushups, crunches and sprints. I wanted to sign up for the morning class, but I knew I'd be rushed to get to work and it would be much easier to roll over and turn off the alarm than it would be to go home after work rather than to Town Lake (which is 6 blocks from there). The inconvenience of exercise rears its ugly head once again as I try to put together the logistics of the thing-when do I eat so I'm not nauseous at the class from eating too soon before, but I'm not so shaky when I get home that I go straight to Mickey D's instead? So far I think the Jamba Juice in the lobby of my building is the answer. Another tough question-how to get home the first couple of nights when I feel like lying down and crying from the pain. I'll probably suck it up and ride my bike to work those days, so at least I'll get home faster, if more painfully.
Hey-no pain, no gain, right? ...Right?

Lonely Only

2008-04-20T21:20:00.002-06:00

Bryan just left. He was able to visit for a month or so, and we had fun and I got to know even more of my city, doing things easier or more enjoyably done as a pair. We ate out (what a luxury!), and went on walks until late into the night, went for bike rides and watched the bats. We got things done and made the most of our time. We were weekend and weeknight warriors, living every moment rather than thinking about it. I'm glad he came and was able to stay so long, although I know I kept him here and less productive selfishly. As he drives away to his new, more productive reality, I look around thinking about the life I had before he got here, before I knew how nice it was to share this place with someone I love. I'll get back there - to the independent, selfish place that is beautifully beholden to no one - but in the meantime I'll be lonely, and a little lost. My routines will be in upheaval, and the void will be evident.
I have plans to keep myself busy, to get in shape and feel strong, and for that I'm grateful for the extra time. There will always be the empty space now though. It used to be a clean, sparse apartment with only the things I need. For now I only see surfaces where his things belong, bare and raw.
The cats don't understand. He is a friend of animals in the purist sense, knowing before they do what they need and heaping love on them from the bottomless well of his heart.
We are a family, as strange as it may seem to those on the outside, and like a loving family we'll keep each other close, even as the miles pile up between us and the climb seems too steep to bear.

Look what I got!

2008-04-19T12:24:00.003-06:00

A screen door! My sweetie helped me put it up. This should help with the crazy Texas summer, and the few smoke signals I've inadvertently sent out while cooking.

Dr. Brule Binge

2008-04-19T12:01:00.002-06:00

Today's blog is brought to you by Dr. Steve Brule, correspondent on 'Channel 5' news from The Tim and Eric Awesome Show on Cartoon Network. This is one of the jewels passed on to me by Laura during her visit last weekend. Needless to say we spent our time away from Dr. Steve quoting him randomly and cracking up, getting sideways glances from strangers and coworkers who have yet to bask in the glow of Steve. This random, irreverent comedy is what keeps people like Laura and I going, and without this passion of ours, it's entirely possible that Laura and I wouldn't have been any more than classmates and casual acquaintances, but we bonded over Nick Swardson and have been passing tidbits back and forth ever since.

Her visit was great; the premise was her cousin's wedding here in Austin, and she extended her stay to hang out with me and Bryan and get to know the city she'd heard so much about. We 'experienced' 6th street and had our fill about 10 minutes into the night, and found a great coffeeshop/lounge, music venues and hangouts that had much less to do with 'hooking up' than 6th st. She got to see a lot of the city and some great neighborhoods nearby, and we did our best to sell her on the place. Mostly we laughed. My cheeks kept cramping all weekend.
Here's a true story-the first time I visited, on my own on a day trip from a visit to Ft. Worth, I felt a connection to the city straight away, like I've never had with another place. As I walked around and got a feel for how music-centric it is, with event venues, posters and musicians-in-disguise (read: waitstaff) everywhere, I kept thinking I didn't understand why Laura wasn't living here already. I knew it was a place I would fit in, and I've found so many things to love about it, but the music scene is so much a part of her life, and there are shows literally every day here that she would enjoy. A lot of the weekend as she looked through papers for shows, she was having to choose between a few she'd like to see.
I am so used to meeting strangers here everyday, it would be strange but great to have someone here that I actually have a history with, that I know I can trust and rely on. If she had her way, she'd be moving here by the end of the summer (sounds exactly like me two years ago), and bringing two of her closest friends with her. Most of all, of course I hope she finds a job in a place that can make her happy and keep her loving what she's doing, but selfishly I hope she high-tails it down here!
Now, for your health, here's a lesson in non-moderation: binge on our new favorite character, Dr. Steve Brule.

Dr. Steve Brule...For Your Wine!

2008-04-19T11:46:00.000-06:00

More Wine and Sandwiches! With Dr. Brule

2008-04-19T11:44:00.002-06:00

How to make living alone not SO AWFUL...By Dr. Brule

2008-04-19T11:43:00.002-06:00

Last resort Fighting

2008-04-19T11:38:00.002-06:00

So There. Blppthpthhp.

2008-03-29T09:12:00.002-06:00

Well, Michael, I like THIS one.

Rain, rain, stay off my toes...

2008-03-23T11:12:00.003-06:00

I have noticed that walking to work, while a dream come true, can be overrated when the clouds fill to bursting and the wind plays tricks with your umbrella-or should I say parachute/rain-catching bowl-type apparatus. That inspired my latest attire purchase--wellies. I looked online and found Target had the best prices by half, and a bevy of color and pattern choices, so I headed out to the store. Apparently, I did so just after hundreds of like-minded Austinites. I found two pairs. Total. Luckily, one was my size, and polka-dots seem fitting.

Sprout

2008-03-23T10:28:00.004-06:00

Although the relief isn't quite as noticeable here, where the harshest temperature I saw was 32 degrees at dawn warming to at least 40, it's still nice to see little sprouts popping up, and the pale, barely opaque baby leaves uncurling yet again on huge old gnarly trees. The birds have been chirping all along, but they seem more harmonious, less dutiful and more celebratory, somehow. I'm pretty glad that I started familiarizing myself with this new place when there was less foliage, so now I can feel my way around and recognize areas, rather than searching for street signs and peering through shrubbery for markings. Could look a little suspicious, no?

Star struck?

2008-03-15T09:03:00.003-06:00

'K, this is weird. I just went for a run and ended up downtown, a few blocks west on 6th street from where all the bars and shows are (fellow runners will know all about avoiding those areas on Saturday mornings), and passed a guy on the sidewalk going the other direction. I just glanced up, I was trying to lose myself in a Muse song instead of thinking about how dead my legs were from my ride last night, but for some reason I really noticed a lot about this guy. He was really tall and thin, and he was in a plain but nice black suit with a colorful (salmon, I think?) collared shirt underneath, with a black, 80's rocker mullet haircut and carrying a bottle of beer or something in a paper bag. The last bit makes it sound like he was a homeless guy, or a business man out with the boys too late, but you'd have to see him to believe what I'm about to write.
I swear it was the lead singer of The Cars.

Ahhhhhh....

2008-03-14T19:42:00.003-06:00

I just got back from the best bike ride of my life. The day was beautiful-hot, about 94 degrees, but not humid. I wanted to get out and enjoy it, so after dinner I saddled up my Trek and headed north. I'm still finding new spots here, and I'd driven past a neat area on my way home last weekend that was too far to walk but too close to justify driving-this was my goal. I trucked up Guadalupe, past the UT campus and the buzz of South-by-Southwest, past my laundromat and a quaint, authentic-looking neighborhood pizza joint I'll have to try, and past a sports complex with stadium lights glowing in the twilight. The area I noticed was a cute, modern condo neighborhood with all sorts of new retail outlets and restaurants each with a unique, mouth-watering smell wafting out. The temperature was perfect for the diners on the patios, and the breeze carried the sounds of laughter, silverware tinkling and dogs barking as I rode slowly around in the brick-paved streets. I took the long way back, down Lamar, and finally visually confirmed where our Central Market store is, in another tempting shopping area, a few famous Austin restaurants including the first Taco Shack, and into the part of Lamar with no stoplights,and a wide, smooth bike-friendly sidewalk with a stream alongside. It was dark by then, and as I rode I passed through a depression so cool I got goosebumps. I looked up and saw Orion shining above me and was overwhelmed with peace and contentment. I realized that for the first time in my life I am EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be. I worked hard to get here and now I know it was worth every tear, and every sacrifice. I know it all sounds cheesy but I just wanted to shout "I'm HOME"! I rode back to my cute little house to my happy cats for a weekend away from a great job to await the arrival of my best friend and relax, knowing this is it. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, but to have felt so un-restless for one moment seems enough.

Working Girl...Finally

2008-03-04T18:12:00.005-06:00

So, I started my new job today. The building is the pale pink high-rise with dark red horizontal stripes where the different patios are, to the left of the dark one with the triangle-shaped top. I'm on the 19th floor. I liked my old job, and I knew it would be a good jumping-off point, but I already think I'll like this one better. The atmosphere in this office is totally different than K&M, for one thing. My first day at K&M people rarely even looked up, I felt like I was intruding, and there was no set training. At F&J, though, they had a training room and I had a one-on-one session with one of the women from IT on the basic computer software I would be using and a once-over on their document storage and intranet systems. Then they took me out for a fancy lunch to say welcome and get to know me! At K&M I probably sat in the lunch room by myself with my microwave meal. I met Christina, our admin, Becky, who is a double-checker of mine and my co-workers docketing and other functions, and our manager Deborah. There was only one person in the office that didn't go out of their way to say hi and welcome and converse a little bit. I don't know yet if she's the office grump or she is just REALLY busy (like so busy she doesn't have time to smile). We'll see.
My cubicle at the moment is awful. That's the downside of the whole thing so far. Me and the other newbies are in a room with counters divided into desks that seem very temporary, but I've been told already that when I graduate through the training program in 3-6 months I'll move up to one of the fancy cubicles with a great view, or one just across the aisle from one with a great view, anyway. You can see part of the southern edge of downtown and bits of Town Lake poking through the buildings.
After work I walked home in beautiful Austin weather, about 70 degrees and sunny, with cavorting birds and jealous driving commuters everywhere. So everyday I'll have a nice 20 minute period to rev up for the day, my walk is only about a mile, and every night 20 minutes to wind down and get ready to relax. Everything's going swimmingly so far. I'm kind of waiting for the bottom to drop out.

Just call me Tex

2008-03-02T10:33:00.002-06:00

Well, it's official. After almost two months here I'm finally starting to feel less like a visitor and more like a resident. Up to now I've had a lousy-paying job looking for employment. I don't recommend it to the light-hearted. It's a more-than-full-time intensive position with strict deadlines, huge responsibility, very little feedback and much disappointment. In that time, though, I have taken advantage of the flexible schedule to get out and see my new town. I know my way around the major thoroughfares, found the shopping, laundry, etc., and have running and biking trails sussed out for best times and distances. I've gotten out to a couple of local events, namely the Bill Clinton and the Obama rallies. At the Clinton rally I saw two other celebrities up close-Sean Astin of Encino Man, Lord of the Rings and Meerkat Manor acclaim, and Tom Brokaw. I actually walked about three feet from the latter and glanced up, realized who it was and kept walking as if I didn't notice (but my stomach did a little flip).
The highlight, though, was my interviews for a Patent and Trademark Administrator position with a big law firm downtown. I had an initial interview with the recruiting office for the firm, where I was given spelling, proofreading and software tests (I aced the spelling test, I guess that's rare). I had a meeting with the recruiter and was sent on to the HR manager for the firm. I was nervous and did all the homework I could stand on the firm, and wrote out scripts for the interview and practiced with help from mom. I walked to the interview relatively calm (repeat stomach flips), and rode the elevator up the 23rd floor having no idea what awaited me as the doors slid open. The lobby was small but inviting, and the receptionist was dear. She made me feel comfortable with easy conversation. After filling out an application and a short wait I was greeted by the HR manager, Joan. I was afraid of facing a firing squad with a gruff, suspicious captain, but Joan was friendly, accommodating and even joked with me. The interview started with the usual get-to-know-you questions and she quickly seemed to change course into selling the position and the firm to me. She called the department manager and we talked more about my specific duties with my last job, and the expectations of the position I was interviewing for. I walked out with Joan assuring me that it seemed that I would fit in the position well, and that she would call the recruiter that afternoon to let her know what she thought. I was ecstatic as I left, running through the possibilities that I could be working in such a big, beautiful building right downtown, a mile from my apartment (I can see it from my walkway). Of course I spent the rest of the day waiting for the recruiter to call me and tell me that it was lies-they hated me and the next person that interviewed was much better. But she didn't. I got it. I really live here and I can even afford to eat and clothe myself!

My New Baby Sister

2008-02-03T12:50:00.001-06:00

Ruby came home yesterday. Mom's the proud new momma of a big, senior boxer from boxer rescue. From what I've heard from a very biased source she's the perfect puppy for mom-calm, quiet, self-assured, and house-trained (and obviously not camera-shy; look at that grin). I'm jealous that she gets to discover the quirks and tricks of this new being, and the only thing I've ever been disappointed with cats about is that you can't take them with you. Ruby will get to know U City and every square inch of the house and yard. I told mom months ago I gave her two weeks after I moved out before she got a dog-and Ruby came home two weeks to the day after mom got home from helping me drive down and set up my place. I expect daily updates and can't wait to be able to meet her and see mom truly in her element.

Yes We Can

2008-02-03T12:49:00.001-06:00

Temporary Soapbox

2008-01-30T10:44:00.000-06:00

I've taken it upon myself to research the candidates and their platforms for the upcoming election. I always mean to do that, and am always frustrated when watching the news and feeling lost, but the noise of life interferes, and there is seemingly always something more pressing, or frankly more fun to do. I'm truly torn so far, however. I noticed today that Edwards is dropping out, and it made me think about being in the voting booth that day-what names would be on the ticket? Obama/Edwards? I could certainly get behind that one. Clinton/Edwards? Definitely better than McCain/Romney, etc! But how do they differ? In a rough list of issues, they seem pretty well matched, except of course that Hillary tends to be more active about women and children's rights and development. Obama seems to be more on the fence about issues, but that's not entirely bad, and perhaps more realistic in a bipartisan leader. Maybe that's just the part of my brain speaking that doesn't want to vote for someone based on promise of action, and be disappointed when she ultimately and inevitably gets distracted. I found this quote by Hillary, though and I think it really sums up the national apathy in my generation; "The economy creates consumers but cannot create citizens". For my generation, the top priority is acquisition, not action. One needs only to watch television for a moment to realize that we are a nation of consumers, not citizens. What if Bush had been president in 1939? Would he have let Hitler continue with his crusade unless he threatened our Bavarian Hops supply? I don't presume to have an answer to the widespread apathy in my generation, and I'm not innocent of staying in a bubble so as to not have to think about the depressing state of affairs, but I do see a need for one, and I really think I, and a lot of other people around my age, would be more than willing to work toward that change. I think we just can't picture national pride without blind faith-no propaganda, just a real reason to take pride in and support the nation that lets us be who we are, even if that is a generation of epicures.

Hey! It's Me!

2008-01-29T12:31:00.000-06:00

This is the inside joke-fuel (see below). This went around our group at K & M and you could tell when people were reading it because you could hear them gasp and laugh from your cubicle. It's like a great sketch-comedy bit, I hope the guy that wrote it ( it was a random personals ad in Craigslist) is on to big things. Hey...maybe it was Kyle Dunnigan or Nick Swardson?! Or my next favorite comedian, whichever.

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my ridiculous wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papasan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

My Team

2008-01-29T11:32:00.000-06:00

This is my now former team at K & M. If you were ever wondering who these people were that I was locked in a large, stuffy room with for longer than I want to think about; here they are. They are from left: Brett, Shannon (dark, party hair), Janna, myself, Leah, Michelle, Montrice and Kala. Matt and Julie aren't in this picture, I guess they had better things to do than hang out with co-workers while not getting paid. Weird. They were a good group-amazingly functional, actually. The drama was kept to a minimum, at least with these members of the team. Some people just can't get enough, it seems. See the beer in Leah's hand? That shows we were PARTYING! (A bit of an inside joke, more later).

Co-Favorite Comedian...

2008-01-28T14:00:00.000-06:00

This is Kyle Dunnigan. He was on "Reno: 911",playing one of my favorite characters (besides Terry, of course), Craig, the S & M-fun-loving Serial Killer (like Jeffrey Daumer, only funny, and with a speech impediment). The video above is Kyle Dunnigan, the genius behind Craig, doing pretty much the cutest bit I've ever seen. I figured out his name by watching a Comedy Central special he did, and he's on my list to see live with Nick Swardson (AKA Terry). Having seen him on Reno, it would never have occurred to me that he's just a normal guy. I was sort of hoping Craig was real. Not the serial-killer part, of course.

Time flies...

2008-01-27T17:12:00.000-06:00

Esther's come and gone already. We spent the beautiful day yesterday walking around a big, fancy outdoor mall looking at pretty things we didn't feel like paying for. I did, however, score an insane bargain for a pair of classy work shoes. Esther's as green as the shoes because they didn't fit her. After a yummy dinner of shared entrees at CPK, we came back to my place and relaxed until it was time to walk all the way (2 blocks) to the indie movie theater to see Juno. So cute. Very funny, and no, no 16 year old in the world is that bright, witty and quick. I laughed, I cried, I still don't want a baby. Our choices were that, 27 dresses, or P.S. I love you. I didn't have much of an opinion, although I knew I would like Juno, but the proximity of the theater sold us. I'm getting so spoiled-if I can't walk there, I seriously think twice about what I need there. I should just get a little red wagon and hook it to my bike. Groceries? No problem. Laundry? Toss it in the back and we're off!
This morning we dragged ourselves out of bed and went for a nice long walk in the city. After, we had brunch with her lovely in-laws and stuffed ourselves silly on classic breakfast grub. Good weekend, but then we all know a weekend involving new shoes for me can't go wrong.
I know you don't need to know this, but I wore shorts and a light sweater to walk up to the shops to get my new ethernet cable (I troubleshooted [-shot?] by myself and narrowed it down to the cable-and I was right!), and I broke a sweat. Almost took the sweater off. Oh, and I had to have the A/C on in the car yesterday because the sun was beating down. Sorry-too much?

Beautiful Weekend

2008-01-26T09:41:00.000-06:00

It's supposed to be 70 degrees today, and I'm supposed to believe it's January?! Yesterday and the day before were miserable, cold and dreary, light rain and wind, but not like any January I've experienced (except Sydney, summer). March, maybe. But I guess I have to get used to this, and I don't think I'll have much trouble with it. When I was sedentary, years ago, the cold never bothered me, in fact I liked being able to wear thick, snuggly clothes and have an excuse to stay in and get cozy. But now that I'm active, it really puts a damper on my life to not be able to walk to where I want to go, or run without freezing my nose off. And bike riding? Forget it. I hope to be one of those intrepid road riders that is out there in all their expensive cold-weather gear someday, but for now I don't have the funds and I don't have the motivation.
My first apartment visitor is coming today! Esther is driving down from Ft. Worth and we get to have a girl's weekend. I'm looking through my tourist-y book for things to do, but somehow I think we'll find a way to fill up the weekend nicely.
I figured out one really cool thing about living in an area that's multicultural and strongly bilingual-Fox Soccer Channel comes with basic cable!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoal!

Good Day

2008-01-24T19:32:00.000-06:00

I got a new phone today (and a new number-if I didn't get to you, email me and I'll send it on!), it's a little slider phone that I've had my eye on for a while. I get to pick 3 more people that I can talk to for free, so I'll take votes starting now and review the nominees thoroughly.
I also got a call from a head hunter after uploading my resume to Monster, and had a short interview with him today. He had two jobs in mind for me, one reception/executive assistant position, and another one which I would rather, which I'd be doing all the grunt work for paralegals and attorneys, and would be getting groomed for a legal assistant promotion in-house. It paid much better, and I wouldn't be answering phones--a big plus. In the interview he let me know that he wouldn't be forwarding my resume to the first, admin one, because he sees that I'm "much too polished" to be answering phones. While I want to spread a wide net and have a steady income relatively soon (I'm getting restless already), I appreciate that others think I'm past the dead-end job stage of life.

Anticip......................ation

2008-01-22T13:09:00.000-06:00

I just found out the new Star Trek movie is in production. It sounds like it picks up where the last movie with Kirk left off. I don't know much of the chronology of how each series fits in with the other and how the movies fit in, but I loved Star Trek: Enterprise with Scott Bakula as Captain Jonathan Archer. It was about the time before Kirk and Spock. At one point they travelled into their future and donned the silly uniforms of the Old School Star Trek, it was pretty funny. They looked around Kirk's Enterprise and oohed and ahhed about the advanced technology, even though the effects and set on the newer series was way cooler. It had more to do with the human and human-alien interaction on an interpersonal level, and within the ship, and not as much to do with the actual exploration and cheesy effects of the other shows. In watching the last episode of Enterprise, when two characters dealt with the death of their child, I actually got choked up! I didn't want that series to end,it was my Cheers, I guess. As Bryan will tell you, I didn't give much of a crap for the other ones. I did have a dream once, though, that I was on a date with Jean-Luc Piccard. We went to K-Mart. Sexy, no?

First Steps

2008-01-20T13:08:00.000-06:00

I went for my first walk around my new city today. Mom and I had gotten out a little bit, but mostly for quick food trips down the block, and the weather was not conducive to leisurely strolls while she was here. Today was gorgeous and just a little nippy- about 40 degrees by the time I got home, so I decided to get lost. It didn't work, this place is so easy to navigate that I pretty much knew my way around by halfway through my second recon trip a year ago. One of my favorite parts about this city is that there's a nature trail on the banks of Shoal creek, which goes pretty much right through downtown. It turns out that my apartment is just off of the trail and it leads all the way to Town Lake, the center of recreation and sports in the center of the city. I can't wait to try everything there-kayaks, paddle boats, running, biking, soccer fields at Zilker park. This is a very active town.

#207A

2008-01-19T19:34:00.001-06:00

After a year of planning, dreaming, doubting, saving and pep talks, I'm here and I love it. I miss people at home, but this feels perfect. Mom stayed with me all week, trudging all over town for supplies, groceries and furniture, bravely downing a year's worth of Aleve after schlepping half of my crap and a bunch of new (and of course heavy) things up to my third floor home. The moment I walked in I knew everything would be OK. I'm glad I stressed and organized and obsessed about money and logistics, but that dissolved when I walked in and saw how my little shabby apartment that I'd spent five minutes in before signing up was transformed into this sparkling, perfectly suited home for me and the furry ones. I was worried about the noise because I'm about a five minute walk from UT, but besides comings and goings of neighbors, I haven't heard anything. I have yet to hear voices, showers, anything. Ahhh.
Thursday, while we were busily unpacking and cleaning, Mom decided to take a break to search for an old friend on the internet. It turned out that she was right that she had moved to the Austin area, and she was the first result to come up on the search page. She called and started to explain who she was, but quickly found that explanations were unnecessary. She knew who she was right away, and we got together with she and her husband that night at their 'farm'(more like a petting zoo), and had dinner at their house, catching up on years of family news and gossip. Friday we got to do some fun things, including visiting my new running store, RunTex. Besides those breaks and a few nice lunches and dinners out (most of which were within spitting distance of my house) I was a slave driver. I was so excited to see my house unpacked, and I hate clutter and chaos. Mom dutifully obliged, though. I'm a lucky girl. I had to take her to the airport this morning, and it was so strange to drop her at the curbside check-in and come back here alone. It solidified the fact that this hasn't been a vacation, but is the beginning of a new chapter. I suppose this is a honeymoon phase, but I can't foresee what I'll get annoyed with here yet. Well, maybe traffic. I'm seeing what happens when a city grows faster than it can plan for. There are only two major highways, both running north/south, and everyone wants to go where I do, it seems. I'll just do my very best to get a job I can ride or walk to. Besides that, I think this might have been the best decision I've made, so far.

I'm here! I'm finally here!

2008-01-19T19:05:00.000-06:00

"Welcome to Texas". Mom and I finally saw this sign-me from the driver's seat of my humongous rental truck, and she from the driver's seat of my tiny car-after a day and a half of rough, boring driving from STL. We started out of her driveway at 9:30 on Monday and finally arrived at my apartment parking lot at 4:15 Tuesday afternoon. We were locked out, of course, so the first stop was to the apartment office a couple of miles away to sign my lease, sign a huge check for the deposit and a couple of months rent, and get the keys to my new house.
The trip was so long and so exhausting. We intended to stop in Ardmore, OK, but just before Oklahoma City, after about 10 hours on the road, Mom couldn't do it anymore. I was running on adrenaline and nerves and hadn't slept right for a couple of nights, and knew that my judgement was horribly clouded, so I didn't fight for her to go any further. We stayed in a roadside Super 8 and had dinner at a Cracker Barrel across the highway overpass. We went back to the room quickly, worried that the cats might be fighting, or worse, and crashed almost immediately. I was rattled and jangly, and slept fitfully, for a total of about 2 hours. The funniest thing was that the cats were scared and hiding under the edges of the covers, as low as they could physically be, until the lights went out. As soon as it was dark they became little explorers.
In the morning they were upset to discover that they had to go back in the boxes and back into the car for another full day of driving. We stopped in Ft. Worth at noon and had lunch with Esther. She was so patient as I struggled to make conversation, even though my brain was in Austin, and in St. Louis, and everywhere in between. The cats were probably grateful for the movement to stop for a little while (we think Blu may have had a little motion sickness-he wanted to be on the floor as much as possible). There was no way to explain when it was over, though, when we stepped in to my new place and started bringing things in from the truck, and my car, and Ikea (!!) so they didn't really believe that we were here to stay until Thursday or so. Now, they don't like the neighbors footsteps as they walk past the door, but they seem to have forgotten their long-distance traumatic experience. Pray for me the next time the boxes come out, though. Seriously.

Vacancy

2008-01-13T15:07:00.000-06:00

After.

Reality

2008-01-13T12:16:00.000-06:00

Here is all my stuff in one place. The rental truck company let me down and couldn't get the smaller 10 foot truck I requested (of course at the time it seemed like the end of the world and an omen of things to come). There's so much room in this 16 foot one that everything has had to stay in one layer, so things aren't tipping and sliding. It feels like I'm still taking a lot, even though I sorted brutally and without much sentiment. Isn't that always the way it goes, though?

Kitty Update!

2008-01-10T18:32:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago my little ones had to go under for some routine maintenance. Both got their teeth cleaned (poor Blu lost a toof), and Bella had to have her anal glands removed. I was nervous to take them in for surgery, no matter how minor and routine it was described to be, and it was heartbreaking to take their food and water away the night before and have no way to make them understand why. None of us got a very good night's sleep the night before-what with the nerves and them notifying me that I forgot to put their food out. That was nothing compared to after I picked them up. I waited on the edge of my desk chair until I was allowed to call and check on them, and I couldn't get out the door fast enough when quitting time came around. They had warned me on my final call that they were still very groggy and might need some extra time and attention. When I arrived, though, they let me know that they didn't want to let me take Blu home with me. He was so sleepy they were worried about his hydration and body temp. I knew I would be a basket case, however, and insisted that he came home with me rather than spending the night in a cage.
When we got home we put Blu next to the heater, on a heating pad as instructed. For a while he was fine to lay there like a sack of potatoes, but after a while he decided he needed to walk. He didn't know where he wanted to go, and often just did tight laps around the heater, but he was insistent. Bella, on the other hand, was grumpy but slumped against my shoulder as if she had melted there. Bryan was sweet enough to come down to help with them, and without his and mom's help I would've gotten even less than the two hours of broken sleep I got that night. The only lasting effects are their beautiful haircuts. We decided that Blu looks like one of those young hipster girls with skinny legs sticking out of their thick, furry Ugg boots and a miniskirt (whatever THAT's about), and Bella and her Brazilian are just bizarre. I think they've forgiven me. Until their cages come out for our move, that is.

T Minus 4 Days and Counting...

2008-01-09T22:12:00.000-06:00

This is my life at the moment. The sparse cleanliness should seem comforting, but it feels a lot like chaos to me. We'll spin it and call it potential. It's not a blind jump off of a cliff-no! It's a fresh start! This is my brave trooper face.

Farewell Tour

2008-01-09T20:52:00.000-06:00

I had one of the best weekends of my life this past weekend. It started with my last day at K & M. The end of the first job I've thought twice about leaving. I rode in with friends, and headed out a little early to go to Friday's for a happy hour in my honor. A friend, Shannon, who has tried valiantly to make me change my mind, sent an office-wide email invite. A few mentioned that they'd try to make it (read: I'm still looking for a solid excuse not to go, in my book), and a few said they'd be there. I don't pressure or guilt people to go to events. I figure I don't want them there if they would rather be somewhere else. The turnout, however, was amazing. The waitstaff reserved tables, plastered with signs complete with my name (I saved one, of course), and the general manager had to come over mid-way through to apologize that they had physically run out of tables to put together for my guests. People I had only spoken to in passing came to see me off, and tell me I'd be missed. My replacement came to buy me a drink, which made me feel sort of guilty for my snippiness the last week (sort of). My closest friends and I had decided to go to the City Museum afterwards, but later decided that we'd postpone it to this Friday instead, because so many people wanted to go but hadn't had enough notice. It was just right; There were three or four distinct groups of conversation, and I could float between all of them easily, and guiltlessly. I felt loved and appreciated, but not the center of attention, not embarrassed. After Fridays, Bryan had made it to town, so Brett and his wife Tracy and I got ice cream (their creation at Coldstone, and it was AWESOME), and picked up Bryan. We watched Transformers (I AM MEGATRON), and chatted. They're really good people, I'll do my best to keep them. Brett trained me at K & M and within a few weeks (it took me a bit to prove myself to him, I think) people were asking how long we'd known each other, assuming that he'd gotten me a job there. We have the same outlook on life, in general, I think.
Saturday I spent the morning and part of the afternoon with mom. We picked some new glasses for her (wish I could see them before I go-SO cute), and looked at the APA, Petsmart and the county shelter for a puppy, but they were all wrong for her. Too small, or loud, or jumpy-one even growled; he needs a crash-course in marketing. I got passed off to Bryan after a nice early dinner for some window shopping and then to see Sweeney Todd. The popcorn tasted funny (like lamb, somehow), and it was WAY too loud, and musicals are always a little wierd ( I can say that I rarely feel the need to break into song during normal conversation-is that just me?!) but I like Jonny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, and it was OK. Gruesome, and dark, but OK. It really felt like a date when neither of us felt like going home, so we headed to a nice dessert restaurant for huge yummy coffees and delicious desserts. It was another one of those days that you learn so much about the person you think you know the best.
Sunday was the quintessential Bryan and Amanda Day Out. We started at the Loop, with lunch and a stroll, and then took the Metro downtown. We walked to the arch, the landing, and the new casino 'Lumiere Place'- chi-chi, no? We made it through downtown, up to Washington and back to Kiel center and the Metro to the Central West End for dinner. Then, back on the Metro to hop off early for the Loop stop and walk to meet Laura for, you guessed it, more walking.
Monday we ran errands and generally just enjoyed each other's company until it was time for him to get back to Iowa to gear up for his next adventure, while I turned upstairs for mine.

One Ringy-Dingy...

2008-01-02T22:59:00.000-06:00

Today was my third to last day at K & M. It's feeling more real now, but not as much as it will when I wake up Monday morning without an alarm and have nowhere to go. How is it that I've planned and saved and set myself up for this and I don't understand that it's actually going to happen, in like a week? I'm realizing the impact on myself that it's going to have, because I can picture the apartment (sort of) and the vibe of the place, and I sort of know my way around. But just in the last day or so I've started to realized the impact on the people around me. My coworkers will be fine, but it will be strange, I'm sure, to not have to listen to me be random and silly when I get that way, or put up with me barely containing my frustrations with whatever I'm dealing with that day. I think they might actually miss me. Not just that I'm conscientious and pick up the slack of others without being asked, but the laughs I hear at my mindless patter, and the way I can cheer people up when they're having a bad day.
Last night I contacted a couple of people here that I don't want to leave behind. I decided, fittingly for the date, that my goal-or resolution, if you will-for this year is to keep in touch with the people in my life that I really care about that are far away. Since that will literally be everyone I've ever known soon (eeek), I know I'll have the motiviation. I just need to work on the focus and consistency. I might have to start by setting alarms on my palm pilot (and computer, and phone...) but I hope it just comes naturally after a while. For some reason I have always been extremely self-conscious about interrupting other people's lives. It was the biggest revelation to me in high school when a couple of my friends stopped by on Christmas day to wish me a happy holiday. I had learned somewhere along the way that holidays were for seeing family only, and if you didn't have plans with someone it was horrible manners to contact them, no matter how strong your friendship. What's the meaning of holidays if not to share love and joy? I don't have any friends that I would avoid a phone call from, or be annoyed that they stopped by to say hello, I don't understand why I think that they would think I'm rude for doing the same. I feel self-conscious and silly for calling when I have nothing to say, even though a planned conversation is never a good thing. So this year I'm going to warn you all-I will be calling. Maybe not late at night, but I'll do my best to not put it off until we've lost touch. I want to hear the everyday mundane things, because you never really know what's going on in someone's life until you can picture it. Speaking of picturing it, I'm also going to do my best to take photos of my place and my new hometown. As you all know, I'm horrible at explaining things, and I've always been awful at taking the time to take pictures, so I'll work on those weaknesses as well. Be patient. I don't have any kids yet, and so far only three pictures of the cats posted here, so I still have some credit at the Bore-you-with-pictures-of-things-you-could-care-less-about Bank.

Holy Crap

2008-01-01T13:01:00.001-06:00

It's two weeks away. Two weeks from today I'll be in my new apartment for the first time since my five-minute tour. Months ago I wrote that if I put it on paper, made a plan and told people about it, that I'd have to do it. Well, the time has come. I have to put up or shut up. I have the moving truck, I have the sedatives for the cats, and I've started the trash haul from the house. It's happening. Next stop Austin. I'm excited. The little things about what the place will look like, what will be different since it's my own place. I'm also scared out of my wits. There is so much to remember, I have lists of what lists to make to not forget to take or do anything. I don't have enough time each day to do what I need to do, and certainly not enough energy.
I have three days left at K & M. I'll miss a lot of it- the certainty and routine, the level of knowledge I've reached; that I'm the expert of my team. The paycheck. Not huge, but absolutely dependable. If I can get at least as good there, I'll be golden. There's a lot I won't miss. I won't name names here, but my neighbor to the North (yes, you, Crazy) won't take up any brain power once I walk out the door. I'm just starting to get tired of doing the same thing everyday, but I think that's more an indication of restlessness and the fact that I've been waiting so long.
I'll have a week to play with Mom, visit my favorite places and people here in the 'Lou, and finish packing up before the big roadtrip. The roller coaster of emotions has just begun, I know. One moment my heart skips a beat thinking about how real this is, and close. The next moment it leaps because of the things I can call home now. The fresh, lively downtown of my new hometown, just blocks from my doorstep. The Hills to the West; so rich with new, beautiful places to discover. The river, the shops, the neighborhoods. Not to mention the people. Active, like-minded people that really like the place they live.
My whole life has been 'for now'. Each step has been just that-something to keep me busy and moving on to the next. I'm ready to slow down, own my place in the world and live in the moment, not for the next one. Call it settling down, call it an adventure; I'm ready for it. As my latest fortune cookie said so well "Now is the time."

Goodbye

2007-05-30T14:39:00.000-06:00

I finally did it. I quit and my last day is a week from today. That's 9 more hours of work, but who's counting? I got what I needed out of JC, and now it's time to get out. They haven't given me much of value for a long time, and I have nothing left to give them. I got into it to try on a career in nutrition and fitness, to see what it would be like to consult people on doing what I did to lose weight, get fit and feel strong. I'm grateful to my instincts for telling me to ease in, to get something related that wouldn't commit me to anything, because it turns out it's not the field for me.
I'll miss a few of my clients. There are ones who will be successful and ones who won't, and they know who they are as well as I do. I'm not as bitter as I thought I would be to leave, but I'm excited. I won't know what to do with all the free time I'll have only working 40+ hours a week, down from 48 or so. I have lofty dreams of gym time with set training schedules, time to read and go to bed at the same time every night, cooking dinner instead of carrying it with me all day to nuke between clocking out at one job and in at another. Knowing me I'll probably get restless, just doing one job everyday, but I'll have more time to keep myself motivated and interested in other things, too. I'll miss the tiny cakes, though. And the Mac & Cheese.

May

2007-05-29T13:16:00.000-06:00

I've done a lot this month, but staring at a computer screen all day, and then for another hour or so at home just hasn't seemed appealing, and my blog has suffered for it. Bryan's been home for a while now, we're just now starting to settle in and get used to the idea, but I'm still distracted and much less productive because I've been spending my time enjoying having my best friend around. My house isn't as clean, my laundry isn't put away right off the line or out of the dryer and my meals are rarely homemade, but I'm happily disorganized. I would like to be better prepared for the near future-lunches packed, clothes chosen the night before-but somehow they don't seem like priorities when I could be going for a walk in a new area of town, petting clydesdale's noses, or getting a pedicure with my favorite people in St Louis. Sometimes I get cranky and have to clean before I can do anything fun, but for the most part I'm fine with the chaos of everyday life.
I saved the life of a bumble bee recently. He was banging his little head against the window screen, to no avail of course, and had worn himself out. When I found him I wasn't sure he was alive, but I saw his antennae searching when I blew on him, so I did some quick thinking, and ran down to the kitchen to make up some sugar water. I took the window screen down so it was flat, and tipped the tiniest bowl I could find toward him to tempt him, and it worked! He sniffed and searched, found the lip of the bowl, reached out his little straw-like mouth peice, stuck out his tongue and lapped it up! Within 5 minutes he had perked up. He just kept drinking, and was gone within 30 minutes. I don't know how long his life span was after that-but I know how I would've felt had I left him to die without doing anything, or even 'put him out of his misery' and that solidified my determination to do what I could. It was really rewarding to come into the room later and he was nowhere to be seen.
I finally did the Anheuser-Busch tour the other weekend. Bryan and I went on a whim because the helipad by the arch was still closed for the season. It was pretty amazing to me, but not in the way you would think. What amazed me was the money involved, and the people that were pouring through the doors to get a tiny taste-literally and figuratively-of this company that has almost become its own culture. The lifestyle of the beer drinker-the marketing and merchandise-is so foreign to me. People were waiting expectantly and impatiently to see what's behind this beverage that's so important to them. There was a busload of 40-year-old fraternity boys that looked more excited to start the tour than they probably did when their poor wives said "it's time." It's beer. It smells nasty, tastes worse, makes me feel sick and dizzy, and causes a lot of puddles around town-in stairwells, elevators, under bushes...I just don't get it, I guess. The best part was the first stop on the tour-the Clydesdale stables. One mare-Claire, was so big it took my breath away. I couldn't have reached the top of her haunches on my tiptoes with my arms stretched as far as they could go. And her head, obviously, was higher than that by two feet, at least! They do what WE tell them? Somehow that seems backwards. Next weekend we get to go to Austin and explore, wrap my head around how it might feel to live there, and see Esther-my favorite person in Texas. Pictures of Austin and a lot of bats to come, hopefully relatively soon!

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-12T07:17:00.000-06:00

Unlike most daughters my age, I aim to be pretty much just like my mom. She knows what's important. So many of us focus on things that we have decided will make us happy, or avoid things we think won't, and she slides through somehow knowing it's all small stuff. She's independent, funny, classy and yet goofy, and inexplicably content. The woman never has a bad day; it drives me crazy.
It's funny how most of us pass up a peer-stage with parents, and move straight on to the more parental guarding, guiding and judging stage. We know what they should do, how they should act, and when they're ready for new things. I definitely do this with mom, but she usually throws me for a loop, and makes me think I couldn't dream of being a step ahead of her. Sometimes she's 'set in her ways' as they say-unable or unwilling to see that something may have come along that could change things for the better. I explain it to her in a way I hope doesn't sound condescending, and she gets a light in her eyes that tells you not only that she gets it, but that she understands every aspect of it-ones you don't even understand-the chemistry or physics behind it that makes you think she could've invented it herself. Other times she comes home with ideas or things I didn't even think she knew existed (a Nintendo DS comes to mind).
I think of myself as worldly and know that I don't really NEED help with anything-there are a lot of things I've done by myself (plumbing, electrical work, car maintenance, etc.) that I never thought I could do alone-but I find myself asking her everyday questions, ones I know a mother will be able to tell her daughter; and wonder how other people figure stuff out. Like what's the difference between poaching and boiling? Do grown-up bees eat honey? What's better- a CD or a mutual fund? I think I just don't want to take for granted this wealth of knowledge from an infinitely forgiving and friendly place. Why look it up on Wikipedia when you can make someone happy by asking them to share their expertise? That, and Wiki wouldn't know that my grade-school secretary/nurse/den mother's name was Ms. Schnoebelen (strike of pure genius, remembering that one). There are other times, though (what's this Hoo-Hah stuff?), when she looks to me, and then I feel like I'm on my way to being able to pass this oral exam of life.

Do you hear that!?

2007-04-13T15:16:00.000-06:00

LOOK OUT! IT'S DONUT DAY!

Pssst

2007-04-13T13:53:00.000-06:00

I guess I've been initiated into the gossip ring at work. A well-known gossip hound from our team approached me today with a thinly veiled fire behind her eyes, 'disappointed to be the one to tell me' about two members of our team that had been 'gossiping about me.' Turns out I really let her down when it wasn't juicy at all, in fact it would be hard to have any ammunition against me, as I hardly talk to anyone about anything, let alone all of my escapades and scandals...oh, wait, I'm boring and paranoid about getting caught rolling a stop sign in the middle of the night, wait, again-I go to bed early. Whatever.

I think Bryan's actually coming home soon!! yay. It's been such a hard decision-making process, especially because there was no right decision, I don't envy him. The only thing that matters to me is that he'll get better, more competent training and testing here than he would in bass-ackwards Florida. I'm sad that he has to leave his friends, and I'm trying so hard not to nag him about getting on the road, but it's been almost 4 months, I'm a little antsy to see the person connected to the voice I know better than my own (since it's in my head, and stuff). I'll be worthless for a few days when he gets home, I'm sure, like a kid with a new puppy that can't stand to go to school and leave home alone all day. We'll get to go to the zoo, and movies, and out to eat, and for walks in the evenings, and not talk on the phone-it'll be great. It'll be an adjustment to deal with someone else's stuff in the house again, but he's worth it, I guess.

April Fool's!

2007-04-01T19:23:00.000-06:00

Naw, I didn't eat a Whopper...I did run 6 miles, but then I came home and had a meal that was so healthy it's disgusting. Still veg-o, no slips yet.

Welcome, April!

2007-04-01T12:18:00.000-06:00

I'm still marveling at the speed and tenacity with which Spring has taken over our little part of the world. The conditions have been perfect for things to grow; Warm, humid, a good part of most days there is plenty of light, and then a couple days of steady rain. My pansies are flourishing, and so is my pride. I know it has very little to do with the care I took planting them, but so far every little stem looks strong and viable. I've been known to have a brown, withering thumb, so I can breathe easier knowing they've got a good home.
I had a much better week at work-I was very successful at ignoring my obnoxious neighbors, except to get a good chuckle out of something ridiculous they said or confessed to, which was a few times a day. More people talked to me, so I actually felt bigger and more attractive than a toadstool. I actually got out of the house and socialized twice this week, and had a good, relaxing time on both occasions. Friday night I took a couple of coworkers up on their offer of a late dinner and drinks, which fit in perfectly with a nice fast run after work, a trip to Trader Joe's for some nice cheese, crackers and fruit, which I enjoyed thoroughly at the get-together. We played a game called 'Apples to Apples' which I need to get and play with some people I know well. It was fun with them, a little addictive, but I didn't know anyone well enough to get into it like you could, bringing in inside jokes, poking fun at politics and favorite people and such. The gist of the game is that one person flips a card over from the stack of cards with adjectives on them (obnoxious, talented, selfish, etc.) and everyone else has a handful of noun cards (car horns, Quentin Tarantino, The Vatican, etc.) and the people with the noun cards pick one out of their hand that they think the adjective-card flipper would choose, for whatever reason. My choice for obnoxious was a close contest between black velvet (as in +paint=tacky Elvis tribute) or televangelists. Frightening was a sweep by The Far Right. I guess I'm pretty transparent, because the people there chose really good ones for me, but I had lousy cards and couldn't get my own opinions out of the way. I ran the circumference of the largest city park today, our very own Forest Park. It was about 6 miles and I had a strong, constant headwind for about a third of that, which of course coincided with the hilliest part. Bastards! Why does that always happen to ME!? Anyway, I sucked down some GU and Gatorade at about mile 4 and felt great the rest of the way. I strategically went clockwise around the park so that I could end by going down the longest hill in the world (well, it feels like it going up). I love my Turtle V. Hare mental races. People that have the look of someone determined to go out and enjoy the day with a long run although they haven't run all winter at least whiz past me, some having the audacity to grunt "On your left" only to have me pass them at my 9:30 pace a ways up the road. Often this happens over and over with the same runner, so I wonder if they are in a mental contest with me, too, or if I'm the only one that sees pretty much everyone as some type of competition. Probably not. I know for a fact that in my Central Park 5-miler I was a pace-setter for two women that kept running until they got a few paces ahead of me, then walked, then caught back up to me, at least 10 times. I didn't mind. I was much more proud of the fact that I'd run every step and felt great than they probably were for sprinting across the finish line 100 paces in front of me, gasping and looking for the port o' johns.
It's opening day at the New Busch stadium, today, so everybody at the park was decked out, I even saw a dog wearing a Pujols jersey. He-heh, Pujols.
I was so proud of myself for my new longest-distance run that I wanted something to really celebrate, so I stopped at Burger King and got a Whopper, fries and a real Coke. $6 bucks of greasy bliss.

Weekend Warriors, Unite! (Somewhere Else)

2007-03-25T17:27:00.000-06:00

This photo shows off just a small part of my very productive weekend. I have such a small, simple life right now and I just love it. I know I should want more of a social life, and I miss B and mom horribly for a moment or two a day, but I'm loving being left alone and feeling like I can slough off the work week hustle and bustle with quiet and methodical activity. Yesterday I went for a walk instead of driving to Barnes and Noble and Macy's, and intended to be out for a couple of hours. As it turned out, I walked all over our little part of the city and logged about 11 miles. When I got home I was thirsty and happily exhausted from knowing that I absorbed all of the beautiful weather and sunshine without sitting in a car all day. You see so much more when passing at 3 miles an hour rather than 30. I smiled at a couple in a cute Scandinavian-style house hanging out their window to measure the emergency ladder they'd just bought, caught the last moments of halftime in a field hockey game where one team was co-ed, caught a glimpse through a fence of an old Coca-Cola sign that looked like it must have hung outside a soda fountain or general store that I'm sure was collectible and someone probably had big plans for at some point that has now eroded and become a part of the backyard 'for now' area, and saw so much COLOR! It's funny how you forget over the winter that everything has it's own color the rest of the year. I walked by our neighborhood garden store and checked out the pansies, and went back today and picked out my favorites, for planting in my window boxes. Just when I feel like I'm tired of the noise of life, the birds start chirping again, and you can hear kids laughing outside, and bikes tick past the windows early in the morning before the church traffic picks up. I can proudly say that probably 80% of my weekend was spent outdoors, fueling up for the week ahead, when I'll use those reserves as I sit in artificial lighting surrounded by 3 four-foot-tall gray cloth walls and two computer screens, buzzing away diligently. I've already planned my escape, of course. Promptly at 5 o'clock I'll steal away to the restrooms to change into my super-hero gear (savior only to myself) and dash out the door for a run at a nearby park. I hope everyone's Spring is as refreshing as mine has been.

Blu Cat's Perspective:

2007-03-25T17:11:00.000-06:00

The usefulness of training gear.
Swimming suit, goggles and sunscreen: $100. Running shorts, sports bra and sleeveless top:$65. A good nap: Priceless.

Whew!

2007-03-18T15:08:00.000-06:00

Where does the time go?! I can't believe it's been a week just since that last post. Each moment has become precious since taking on two jobs. I've been fighting the urge to just come home after work and sit. I'm a creature of pure inertia-if I allow myself to sit for more than a few minutes, that's all I'll do. On the other hand, when I don't my house and clothes are clean, the groceries are purchased and put away, my meals, clothes and workouts are planned for the week, and I even got a long run and a lunch out with a friend/muffin baking session in. I know I'm a newbie and there are downsides that are evident, but I'm digging the M-F, 9-5 life, as long as I can keep up and stay over-prepared for the near future.
I like my job. I don't love it, and I'm glad for that, too. I'm afraid of getting stuck before I find a place and an occupation that I'm truly happy with. Or at least content. My work consists of sitting in a cubicle in front of a fancy computer with two flat-screen monitors, searching out and inputting important information in the early stages of home foreclosure proceedings. Not a happy subject, but kind of interesting. Some people had to have been high when they signed the paperwork for their new home (some as few as 4 months ago, and they're already so far into default that the bank has gotten us involved), and some cases you can tell probably have a heartbreaking story behind them.
It's a strange office. Looks a LOT like the one on the TV show 'The Office,' but we have little walls around our desks. I have two pictures of Bryan, and a picture of me in my 2nd tri, and I made a little window out of a landscape picture and a piece of paper cut to look like window panes. I crave sunshine. We have windows-big ones-but they're 50 feet away from me and around a corner. I sit away from my 'team' because there aren't enough cubicle spaces,and I can't stand the people I sit near. We can listen to headphones and that is a godsend. The people in the cubicles around me are obnoxious, flaky, constantly verbal creeps. The women talk and act like they're in junior high (their S's hurt my ears-they're valley-girl style), complete with tantrums about things not being 'fair'-one actually complained to her boss in a loud whisper while stomping one foot and thrusting her fists toward the ground that it 'sucked' that they had to change a meeting schedule so that they weren't all away from the phones at the same time. If she'd seen me laughing and shaking my head in disbelief at her behavior I think I would've gotten slapped. The other day some poor soul decided to end it all by jumping off a bridge. Their comments about it were all comedic, bitter remarks about how their commute was affected, and that they couldn't believe that the person would pick rush hour to off themselves. They're soulless freaks. They also whistle non-tunes, sing things like 'Danke Schoen' off-key, and remark about every phone call they make, every stupid mistake they make (they make a LOT, it seems) and every bite of food they've ever taken. They karaoke in their free time, I probably don't need to mention-and if anything involves booze or doughnuts, count them in. I think I would learn to live with it if I didn't know that at some point I'll be moving closer to the people that are on my team, and do their jobs quietly, respectfully, and nearly gossip-free, as far as I can tell. I can't wait for that day. It's only going to be a move of 100 feet or so, but I think I'll make a grand, sweeping exit when the day comes. I think a gremlin will find it's way into their area around the same time. If they could find a reason to like themselves, I think they'd be much better people. Maybe.
But I have a routine, and my own area to keep as I may, and WEEKENDS.

Me, in a nutshell...

2007-03-11T08:02:00.000-06:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Movin' on up...to somewhere...

2007-02-26T17:31:00.000-06:00

So, I feel more like a grown-up today. I interviewed Friday for a position in a law firm and had a very strange feeling as I left. Mom, Bryan, and the woman at the head-hunting firm all asked me how it went. I just kept repeating 'I have NO idea.' I was frustrated to the point of rambling at even what had happened during the interview. The women who interviewed me were distant(physically and interpersonally-the conference table was HUGE),casual to the point of indifference and seemingly unprepared. I was kind of glad for the last part because I hate those 'tell me about the last time you...' interviews. I just don't remember things catagorically like that. Anyways, it was the first time I've walked out of an interview feeling unsure, confused, and downright curious. Because I had gotten the tip through an agency I didn't know much about the position that they were hiring for, and although the interviewers gave some information about it, I still couldn't picture the duties and responsibilities at all. I had a whole weekend to sit around and think about it. If the interview had definitely gone one way or the other, I wouldn't have fretted about it at all. Having little investment in it either way, since I couldn't really picture it, I couldn't even figure out for myself if I really wanted it or not. It would mean a great deal more money, a great deal less time, and a schedule shake up at JC (NOT a bad thing), but I knew something else was bound to come down the pike if this fell through.
But I got it. I have no idea how I pulled that off; if they really liked me and thought I was qualified or driven over another applicant, or if the others didn't even show but either way, I'm in the money. I'm a M-F 9-to-fiver. I've let the idea sink in all day now, and keep realizing how this changes things. In little ways, like I'll have to revamp my workout schedule and miss those late-morning runs before work, and in big ways, like this might mean the end of the chain of unskilled-little-more-than-minimum-wage jobs I've had until now. So here's my plan so that if I don't do it everyone can bug me until I do. I want to work a decent paying job like the one I got today, save a boatload of money in a few months, and move. My tentative relocation destination is Austin, Texas (see photo in post #1). I took the photo in December when I was visiting the lovely Esther (and Ben, of course), and pretty much fell in love. I'd heard it was a great place and I knew Bryan had always wanted to check it out, so I tooled around on foot most of a day and got a great vibe. Didn't see Lance Armstrong or Matthew McConaughey, but hey, if they like it, I'm sure it's cool. So what do you think, y'all (gotta get used to colloquialisms sooner or later, right?)? It's a scary proposition, moving somewhere you don't know anyone to make a life doing something you're not sure you want to do forever-but people do it everyday. Right? Right. I'll keep you posted.

I'm Good Enough, I'm Thtrong Enough...& Gosh Darnit, People Like Me!

2007-02-22T20:35:00.000-06:00

Ever have one of those days? I can't remember where I read that this sculpture is, but I think I could stare at it for hours, feeling self-conscious and waving my hand in front of its face every once in a while. It's thought provoking, and I knew I wanted to use it in a post at some point, but I couldn't figure out how until today. It has a lot of impact and speaks volumes about whatever subject you could conceive, but I think it would be entirely different and more specific had the sculptor decided to form a woman. I relate to it in that everyone, but especially women in this society are ruled by shame. There are no set standards today because we have come to believe that 'there's always room for improvement.' Whether it be our bodies, our eating habits, our spirituality, our careers, our possessions or lack thereof, we are never good enough.
I went out for a run yesterday after work. In theory it would be a wonderful, life-affirming, calming and energizing endeavor. The weather was beautiful, my training regimen left room for just a short, peaceful jog, and I had great music on my iPod. As I started, though, I realized I wasn't falling into my natural stride within a few meters as usual, my legs felt heavy and unruly, and worst of all, my shorts kept getting shorter, and shorter, and shorter. Let the floodgates of negativity fall open as they may, and damned if I didn't make myself miserable thinking of how much potential this run had, and how disappointing I was that I couldn't reproduce the gloriously fast and easy 5-miler of two days prior. I heard myself saying I was probably grossing out innocent bystanders with my jiggly thighs sticking out of my ever-shorter spandex shorts, that I was weak, and out of shape, and would never be able to reach any sort of potential, let alone feel good about race participation. And those group rides I was thinking about joining? The masters swim meetings and jogging clubs? They'd laugh at me and wonder how I could think I deserved to even show up with their elite selves.
But wait a minute. How far did I just run? Two miles. How far did I used to run? Oh, yeah-a mile might as well have been a marathon. And how much exercise have I done this week? Two-a-days three days in a row, including one kick-ass weight lifting session? And how many calories have I been meticulously counting out every day? A measly 1200 while burning half that in a couple of hours everyday?! I wonder why I'm EXHAUSTED? I mentally stepped out of my body, turned toward myself and slapped the 'poor me' look off my silly face. If my best friends ever talked to me the way I do I'd never talk to them again. So I shut myself up, enjoyed the rest of the walk home on a truly beautiful evening (it's about freakin' time), popped open a hard cider that had been hiding in the back of the fridge (oooh-extra calories! Gasp!) and sat outside like a normal person, taking in the world and not obsessing about my next workout, the numbers on the scale, the calories in my next meal, or even what needed to get done in the house. When I finally came inside and walked past the mirror I noticed that my former self would have killed for these muscly thighs, and that in fact skin alone jiggles, if one bounces enough. I decided, too, that I deserved those creepy but somehow still a little flattering catcalls I got from a car full of guys speeding past me as I crossed an alley.
So I think I'll wake up early one Sunday morning soon and head down to the women's ride I heard about, and I know there's a cheap jogging club around town somewhere. I think I'll take my own advice for a minute and be good to myself. I may want to improve, but a bad day or two does not a failure make. Sadly, I knew that this blog would be an appropriate place to air these frustrations because I know I'm not alone in these feelings. We're all too hard on ourselves. Go be a good friend to #1.

At the Car Wash, Yeah!

2007-02-17T14:13:00.000-06:00

Yes, that is a 15-foot icicle (stalactite?)at my neighborhood car wash. I was driving by and couldn't resist snapping a shot of something you don't see everyday-especially in a place that prides itself on being on the north edge of the Mason-Dixon line. Notice the caution tape across the entrance. They actually have to tell people that this bay is out of order?! That's like the Milk jug that I picked up at the grocery yesterday that has a label reading 'Allergy Information: Contains Milk.' Nice.

S.A.D., Anyone?

2007-02-17T14:02:00.000-06:00

This is a beach not far from home, and the photos were taken at about noon. Can't you just hear the malevolent whistle of the wind, and feel the icy miniature snowballs like needles on your exposed skin? For all of you in warmer climes, I just wanted to let you know how lucky you are. You may miss home, but this kind of seeping cold that makes your jaw ache, your eyes tear and then freeze, your fingers feel numb and then on fire--it's not so romantic when you're in it.

Mark your calendars...

2007-02-16T09:35:00.000-06:00

For 2/23/07. I know most of you are already looking forward as much as I am to the release of 'Reno 911: Miami' but for those of you who are unfamiliar, you have obviously been living in a comedy cave. Come out, dear ones, and see the light that is stupid, rude, bumbling and incompetent policing! Watch for 'Terry', my favorite flaming-gay rollerskating petty criminal, especially.

Will it be worth $8 and an evening of your life? Maybe not, especially if you don't like stupid humor. But hey, laughing makes you live longer, right? In that case, I'll be around forEVER, SUCKERS!

Oh, Puh-leeze.

2007-02-14T14:51:00.000-06:00

This storm brought St. Louis to a standstill. This beautiful, powdery 3-or-4 inch accumulation of snow closed schools and businesses; including my own, swamped every grocery store and cleaned their shelves of milk and bread and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in time, energy and repair costs for accidents throughout the metro area. I know that everyone says that where they come from it's (fill in the blank per appropriate condition), but come on-3 inches? 20 degrees? This is not a big deal, St. Louisans! What would these people do in Iowa? Duluth? Buffalo, for heaven's sake?! They love their DRAMA here.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-13T21:30:00.001-06:00

I know it's a Hallmark holiday kept alive by bitter housewives, but isn't it fun to take a day out of the year to show people that you love and appreciate them and not look silly?! I'm such an optimist I make myself sick. You're probably all picturing me wearing a tutu and carrying a sparkly wand, prancing around saying 'turn that frown upside-down!'and well, you'd have a pretty accurate imagination. I would have a better day, however, if my valentine were less than 1600 miles away.

Paranoid? Me?

2007-02-10T11:30:00.000-06:00

O.K, it's officially a conspiracy. Yesterday I got the only squeaky treadmill. I switched after a mile or so, and let someone else feel self-conscious. I guess I'm "them" now.

Awww...

2007-02-09T14:00:00.000-06:00

"Eternal Embrace"
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070206/sc_nm/italy_embrace_dc

I am dork...hear me screech

2007-02-09T10:50:00.000-06:00

So, I'm on the elliptical machine at the gym yesterday at 6:15 a.m, minding my own business, still bleary-eyed from the cold, and enjoying anonymity in a sea of sweating bodies. After 10 minutes or so I start noticing over my music an intermittent screech- someone's obviously dragging their feet on a treadmill and each time they take a step, their sole is making this intrusive, repetitive noise. I hate that. It goes away, finally. Then, a minute or so later, it's back in full force. I pop out one headphone, localize the sound to my left and rear, and try to go back to my workout and block it out. Gone! Nope, it's back. Dude! Pick up your feet! I start looking around, politely letting the offender know that I can hear it, and it's getting old. I can't find it, and the only machines around me are sporadically-used weight machines. I keep going, getting truly annoyed. At minute 29 I make the sad realization that it's my machine, screeching on the higher-resistance "hill" portions of my workout and silent on the lower-resistance cycles. That's probably why when I walked in this was the only machine not being used, and why as I pumped away I kept noticing that the people on machines near me kept leaving, and weren't replaced. I had been making a fool of myself looking around and probably rolling my eyes when I couldn't find the sound and everyone else knew it was coming from about 2 feet behind me. Well, you won't find me at the gym early on Thursdays for a couple of weeks. Good thing I can laugh at myself, or I could be feeling really dumb. Oh, wait-I still do.

da catz...

2007-02-04T21:49:00.000-06:00

These are my non-deductible (*sigh*) dependents. Blu Snuffluppagus Silvertoes, III (AKA "Blu")has a very strict daily schedule. It consists of rousing me, eating, yelling to play with the water in the sink while I try to brush my teeth around him, sleeping in a cold room all day, eating, sleeping by the radiator as evening falls, eating, chasing his sister during their nightly sugar rush, doing his caterwaul water call over his bowl in the hallway, romancing and sniffing it for about 5 minutes before finally drinking, and promptly retiring on the bed or with his feet under the radiator once again (he likes to be spontaneous with this final choice). The exception to this schedule is of course when he gets his bath-no, not when he bathes himself, but when he is forced under the faucet in the sink and comes out fuzzy, deflated, emasculated and smelling like a baby. Those days are spiced up by sulking, licking the areas of his body he can reach and/or isn't too lazy to get to, and running away if we're in the same room.

Princess Bella Petunia Slipperfeet (AKA "Bella"), on the other hand, has a malleable schedule. It pretty much just revolves around me. She's neurotic, needy and startles every time the wind changes direction (she hates noise, you know). People that are around her for any length of time go through the same affection process. First it's cute and flattering that she wants to rub on you and sit on you constantly, then it gets real old. Typing around a cat gets old; getting woken up by loud, wet purring and whiskers tickling your face as she signals to you that she needs to get under the covers and spoon with you, invariably as you finally really get to sleep gets maddening; and seeing her pout, plead and finally wail as you walk out the door, surely abandoning her forever, gets heartbreaking. Then you start to wonder at her capacity for love, however. How can a being be so infatuated and unconditional for so long? What has she been through that she sees ME as her savior? The one who whines loudly as I pull up the covers, fully awake, and get her fur out of my face as she settles her tiny head on the pillow; The one who wants to scream when all I want to do is check my darn email and can't see the screen!

They're EXPENSIVE (did I mention they need Rx FOOD?), messy, high-maintenance, sometimes smelly, have ruined furniture and clothes, are completely ungrateful, and so darn cute. Who needs kids?

LIES! They're all LIES!

2007-02-02T16:11:00.000-06:00

I love my iPod!

2007-02-02T09:56:00.000-06:00

I'm getting back in shape for this triathlon season, and love seeing the results when I sync up my nano to the Nike+ site, but I must admit I've gotten a little obsessed. I have a total of 4 workout logs, 2 for just running and 2 for lists of everything I'm doing and schedules for raising my mileage, weights lifted, speed, and pool distance. It's so easy to forget the last time you took a day off when you're doing two-a-days and having a life.

I Googled myself yesterday to see if this blog would pop up [it didn't :'^( ], and saw my name in a list of 'endurance athletes' for my 5 miler in NYC last year. That was fun, I sound like somebody!

It's an easy-run, upper-body workout day, I love those (I just hate how sore my arms will be tomorrow-I hate getting back into lifting!), gotta go!

Brrrrr...

2007-01-28T10:51:00.000-06:00

my bedroom window this blustery, flurry-y (?) morning...

A night in Bizarreville

2007-01-27T21:22:00.000-06:00

These two images may seem completely unrelated, and that's because they are. They do a decent job of describing my night, though-without boring you with the thousand words involved. Well...decent, but not good enough, sorry. Here goes.

Mom and I went to dinner and a movie tonight-I'm sure I speak for both of us when I say we felt very civilized and organized-coordinating our schedules to do the same things at the same time. Dinner was at our favorite Mongolian BBQ where we noticed straight away that there was very little socializing going on among the guests. It seemed so strange; it was a Saturday night at a popular dinner hour, and the restaraunt was full of families, but the only voices we heard were of children, young enough to be too busy entertaining themselves to be bothered with the business of eating. We were seated in the corner, and I was facing the rest of the patrons, stealthily people-watching as one of the small, thin, deeply accented waitresses brought a pitcher of water to fill our glasses. It was all-you-can-eat-crablegs night, and the eating was fierce-you might say competitive.

As I sat there contemplating the abundance around me I started thinking about what the others must be thinking. The patrons certainly weren't talking, so there must have been some brain activity going on behind the scenes. The parents of the morbidly obese children, from 5 to 17 (their ages were hard to gauge, they were so big); what did they think of their family's furtive attitude toward unhealthy food, and did they take any responsibility? The thin waitresses, speaking in their native tongue comfortably, giggling and watching the melee ensue; were they mocking us? I guess it just distilled my feelings-clarified them as the cooks had done to the butter that was dripping off of my fellow American's chins. It's not worth it. I've been big and I've been small, and I can tell you that the best cake (pizza, chocolate, burrito, etc) in the world isn't worth to me how it feels to be strong and willful and COMFORTABLE. It literally made me watch my choices and portions. I know I sound haughty-that's okay, it's my truth.

Then there was the movie. 'Notes on a Scandal' was creepy, shocking, insightful and somehow, not the least bit overdone. I have a newfound reverence for Dame Judi Dench. Her character was calculating, opportunistic, manipulative, evil, bizarre and yet vulnerable (can you hear the gravelly, private cackle?). I highly recommend it, even though it made my skin crawl. It was a good night that spotlighted (with a gazillion candle-power bulb) some of my feelings on moderation, health and boundaries.

Question:

2007-01-27T16:18:00.000-06:00

Does everyone's childhood smell like old library books?

Race Day

2007-01-25T18:42:00.000-06:00

This was a proud moment for me. August 20, 2006, at 17.9 or so of 18 frustrating and technically flawed miles, after a 450 yd. swim during which I couldn't breathe ( I was soon thereafter diagnosed with allergy-related asthma; I love St. Louis), and before a 5k (3.1 mi) run that was hillier, and therefore much harder, than the 5 miler in Central Park just two months prior. It was officially my 2nd triathlon, my first being a longer swim ( I could breath for that one), shorter bike and run that was noncompetitive and truly fun. Two of my biggest fans were there for both (I couldn't ask Dad to drive 7 hours to see me as I ran/rode by waving-but he was there in spirit), and were so proud and so patient when I was stressed and cranky for the "real" one, pictured above.

I felt so cool when I got to the check-in area at 6:30 that morning, got my race packet and start time, and got my number written down my right arm and leg in big, permanent black marker. If they had told me that tattooing the numbers was an option, I would've had to have a think. I tried to act the part, warming up and concentrating, all the while trying not to wobble as I walked, feeling the butterflies doing tumbling routines in my stomach. I just didn't want to come in dead last, or wipe out on the railroad tracks ( I wiped out, but not on the tracks-my chain came off going up the steepest of many hills about 4 miles in), or drown in what I knew would be an ugly, gasping, rhythmless swim. Above all, I wanted to finish. I knew I had trained for it, and trained well, so not finishing for any reason would be all that much harder, knowing that I could do it all on a normal training day. Race day is different, though-the energy is intoxicating. It's much easier to doubt yourself when everyone is so amped up on adrenaline and nervousness.

I did it obviously-my official time was 2:05:57 (my start time was 32 min after the first participant), and my times leave room for much improvement. Next year, breathing easily and strong on hills, I'll come in first place-ahead of me. And then, in keeping with tradition, bring on the pasta!

How many people can call themselves triathletes? I wear it proudly. Now get out from behind the computer and go train for something! As my old PE teacher used to say during our yearly timed-mile drill "your body is LOVING this!"

I highly recommend training for something you could never have imagined, and take a couple of great cheerleaders with you-thanks, again Mom, Bryan, et al!

We

2007-01-24T10:51:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a couple of days since I started this little experiment. I guess I'm a blogger, now. So, my sweetie is a chopper pilot. I write that knowing he'll cringe as he reads it-but hey, at least I didn't say "driver." I've been supportive in a bumbling way since he started looking for money for training, and actually going after his dream as if he didn't have a care in the world. I know it was scary, but you wouldn't know it, looking at him. He's got the best game face of anyone I've ever known because he's got such a sweet face, he ends up looking innocent and curious, when in fact he's reading every person and every situation with the instincts of a mountain cat. Sounds dramatic and kind of silly-but really-he's so good at assessing people and situations for what they truly are.

So anyways, he's plugging away at his training with a tenacity I couldn't muster-he's had more obstacles and roadblocks than Navy Seal-and it's paying off. He looked through his log book and he's got over 100 hours, much of that as Pilot-in-command (sounds so cool) and is over halfway through the training that will get him a job as an instructor to build hours to become more employable. Did you catch that? He'll be an instructor BEFORE he even gets a decent-paying, stable job. That's how it goes with professional pilots, and it scares me to death that his instructors are still so new to this, AND the first thing he'll have to deal with is fresh students!! I trust him more than anyone, but it's the other guys that freak me right out.

He's doing all these crazy things in training to get him ready for crazy things in the real world I guess. One of his exercises (that I almost wish he hadn't shared with me) is my idea of a nightmare. He's learning to fly by instruments alone, which means that he wears a hood that blocks him from looking outside the cockpit (I hate that word). That's scary enough. Now his instructor is having him put his head between his knees while he (the instructor) gets the helicopter all off kilter and out of whack with his flightplan. Then Bryan pops up and using instruments only, gets the helicopter back on track, and keeps it from falling out of the sky. Within 5 seconds. It took you almost that long just to read "within 5 seconds".
I guess I haven't mentioned to many people, let alone here, that I'm a nervous flyer. My dad's a helo pilot too, and I was never scared to fly with him, and he's answered my questions about the physics of flying a gazillion times and Bryan has as well, but I still don't really get it, and I HATE turbulence. So to get all discombobulated and then have to save it, all while having your line of vision impaired?! I don't think so. I wouldn't even sign on, and if I was forced, I'd totally cheat and look out the windscreen. Forget about it.

But I've been supportive. I'm ignorant about FAA regulations, but I've helped him with studying them. I'm clueless about instruments and what they do and how (gyroscopes are cool, though-thanks, dad). VORs, vectors, RPMs, there's so much jargon that goes right over my head. I've never understood the desire to pilot an aircraft (a 22 just flew right past the window as I wrote that!) but, being exposed to the behind-the-scenes aspects of the industry my whole life has been cool, unique for sure, but I've only ever been kind of a casual-but-interested observer. Except for that month that I decided to be an F-14 fighter pilot, it made sense at the time-Top Gun was big, the whole thing seemed really enticing. Those of you that know me can probably picture me with my dad and his buddies, or with Bryan and his, quietly watching and smiling and nodding, the whole time wide-eyed and watching, pretty much lost but taking everything in.
So the other day Bryan and I had been talking about all the flyboys we've come into contact with, that inflate their own egos by talking about, living, breathing, dreaming about flying and everything that goes with it. You know the type-can't have a normal conversation for all the techy-talk. Every field has them, always pining for the new gear, the latest innovation, or obsessed with the old classics. What struck me was that all these guys seemed to love chewing gum. They'd stand there, cocky and self-conscious, hands-in-pockets or clicking a pen, or something to occupy themselves, talking shop and smacking away on gum. My dad and Bryan are exceptions to the poser, can't-talk-about-anything-else stereotype. They've both got the skills and the knowledge to be confident in themselves to the degree that they can be whole people, with other conversation topics on their minds. I've gotta say it though, I love you, Dad, but you were never more butch than when you were around your guard buddies, in your camo-green "zoom-bag" outfit, with a peice of Extra clicking between your jaws. It was just one clearly defined side of you and it was great.

So my supportive self, gabbing away with Bryan in one of our many existential, contemplative, hours-long conversations mentioned the "Gum Hypothesis." It had been one of those unclear memories, just an atmospheric, tertiary detail, really. One of those things that if you were to set up a scene from an event in your past that you would include without thinking: naturally the intimidating men talking about things I can't understand are chewing gum, I mean, what else would they be doing? Here's another example ( I warned you I'm random): one day I was recalling how my mom would deal with me wanting things in stores and being a brat if I couldn't have them. I just quoted her without knowing where the quote came from; I just blurted out "I can't hear you when you're whining."

So I told him that maybe that was the key to feeling like you're the shiznit and becoming the cocky flyboy--chewing gum, maybe any oral-fixation quencher could be substituted, like a toothpick. We had a good laugh, and I didn't think about it again until a couple of days later when Bryan brought it up again. He had mentioned the Gum Hypothesis to his instructor, an Italian Gent named Damiano. I don't think Damiano realized that I intended it as a joke, because he suggested they try it, and they did. Walked straight over to the shop, bought some Wrigley's and went for a flight.
Here's the kicker-Damiano told Bryan it worked-he thought Bryan flew better with gum. See, I am a good girlfriend.

'ello

2007-01-22T13:20:00.000-06:00

I write this first post as I argue with myself about why in the world I would create a blog. No good reason, nothing exciting going on in my life, and no one to read it. It's the posterity of it, though, I suppose. The fact that if someone random found it, they could have a chuckle at the mundane aspects of my life, and if someone I care about sees it, they'll know what's going on in my random, question-addled brain in a sporadic fashion.

So what's going on in my life right now? A relatively decent amount, actually. Work at JC has been relatively profitable. The keyword being relatively. It's feast or famine, I've learned the hard way. Turnover is about 85%, as Bryan says, in his amazingly quick-witted way "those are Burger King numbers." So true. So my days there are numbered. I've done my homework on the Nutrition and Fitness career path and it's not for me.

I've tried entering a career field three ways:
1. Go to school 'cause you've got nothing better to do and you're supposed to go to college straight from HS. Drift around anonymously for a while, trying every field in the school's catalog until you have enough hours to have a degree but no cohesive field of study (African Art, Museum Studies, Biology, Anthropology, Statistics, etc, etc, etc).
2. Go back to school after a break from going to school and working full time. Make the decision to move to go to said school and actually move within a month of the decision. Apply and get accepted to a program that sounds great, has cool toys and fun people. Have a great time and make great friends while in school, knowing but not accepting until 6 credit hours from graduation that you have no skills or desire to make your education a career.
3. Think of something that fits your lifestyle completely, has enveloped your life without you realizing it for the preceding three years, and could actually be the basis for a career. Could, in actuality, be labeled a 'passion.' Try it on. Get a job in a related field, tour schools with programs that would get you to your destination career and sit with it for a while.

The latter is the one I would recommend by far, for obvious reasons. It took a lot of the other 2's worth of life experience to cool my jets and let me do the sensible thing, however. The sucky part: it didn't work.

The moral of the story that I've learned with my latest approach is that people don't want to lose weight and live healthier lifestyles; they just want to be thinner and have energy to do the things that the pretty people on TV do. Mind you, they wouldn't do them if they had the energy, they'd probably just spend more time at the mall buying the smaller clothes. I'm bitter and jaded, but I just want to pack up my health and my fitness and do something that will actually allow me to pay rent, eat regularly, even clothe myself.

So stay tuned, I may be on to a new, more viable idea. My spontaneous, adventurous side (see 2, above), has begun to itch again, and change of scenery may be inevitable. I'm listening to my world-wise, money-conscious side (read: Bryan) more now, realizing that falling on my face is a very real possibility if I move too quickly, think, or should I say acknowledge, too little.