Goodbye

I finally did it. I quit and my last day is a week from today. That's 9 more hours of work, but who's counting? I got what I needed out of JC, and now it's time to get out. They haven't given me much of value for a long time, and I have nothing left to give them. I got into it to try on a career in nutrition and fitness, to see what it would be like to consult people on doing what I did to lose weight, get fit and feel strong. I'm grateful to my instincts for telling me to ease in, to get something related that wouldn't commit me to anything, because it turns out it's not the field for me.
I'll miss a few of my clients. There are ones who will be successful and ones who won't, and they know who they are as well as I do. I'm not as bitter as I thought I would be to leave, but I'm excited. I won't know what to do with all the free time I'll have only working 40+ hours a week, down from 48 or so. I have lofty dreams of gym time with set training schedules, time to read and go to bed at the same time every night, cooking dinner instead of carrying it with me all day to nuke between clocking out at one job and in at another. Knowing me I'll probably get restless, just doing one job everyday, but I'll have more time to keep myself motivated and interested in other things, too. I'll miss the tiny cakes, though. And the Mac & Cheese.

May

I've done a lot this month, but staring at a computer screen all day, and then for another hour or so at home just hasn't seemed appealing, and my blog has suffered for it. Bryan's been home for a while now, we're just now starting to settle in and get used to the idea, but I'm still distracted and much less productive because I've been spending my time enjoying having my best friend around. My house isn't as clean, my laundry isn't put away right off the line or out of the dryer and my meals are rarely homemade, but I'm happily disorganized. I would like to be better prepared for the near future-lunches packed, clothes chosen the night before-but somehow they don't seem like priorities when I could be going for a walk in a new area of town, petting clydesdale's noses, or getting a pedicure with my favorite people in St Louis. Sometimes I get cranky and have to clean before I can do anything fun, but for the most part I'm fine with the chaos of everyday life.
I saved the life of a bumble bee recently. He was banging his little head against the window screen, to no avail of course, and had worn himself out. When I found him I wasn't sure he was alive, but I saw his antennae searching when I blew on him, so I did some quick thinking, and ran down to the kitchen to make up some sugar water. I took the window screen down so it was flat, and tipped the tiniest bowl I could find toward him to tempt him, and it worked! He sniffed and searched, found the lip of the bowl, reached out his little straw-like mouth peice, stuck out his tongue and lapped it up! Within 5 minutes he had perked up. He just kept drinking, and was gone within 30 minutes. I don't know how long his life span was after that-but I know how I would've felt had I left him to die without doing anything, or even 'put him out of his misery' and that solidified my determination to do what I could. It was really rewarding to come into the room later and he was nowhere to be seen.
I finally did the Anheuser-Busch tour the other weekend. Bryan and I went on a whim because the helipad by the arch was still closed for the season. It was pretty amazing to me, but not in the way you would think. What amazed me was the money involved, and the people that were pouring through the doors to get a tiny taste-literally and figuratively-of this company that has almost become its own culture. The lifestyle of the beer drinker-the marketing and merchandise-is so foreign to me. People were waiting expectantly and impatiently to see what's behind this beverage that's so important to them. There was a busload of 40-year-old fraternity boys that looked more excited to start the tour than they probably did when their poor wives said "it's time." It's beer. It smells nasty, tastes worse, makes me feel sick and dizzy, and causes a lot of puddles around town-in stairwells, elevators, under bushes...I just don't get it, I guess. The best part was the first stop on the tour-the Clydesdale stables. One mare-Claire, was so big it took my breath away. I couldn't have reached the top of her haunches on my tiptoes with my arms stretched as far as they could go. And her head, obviously, was higher than that by two feet, at least! They do what WE tell them? Somehow that seems backwards. Next weekend we get to go to Austin and explore, wrap my head around how it might feel to live there, and see Esther-my favorite person in Texas. Pictures of Austin and a lot of bats to come, hopefully relatively soon!

Happy Mother's Day

Unlike most daughters my age, I aim to be pretty much just like my mom. She knows what's important. So many of us focus on things that we have decided will make us happy, or avoid things we think won't, and she slides through somehow knowing it's all small stuff. She's independent, funny, classy and yet goofy, and inexplicably content. The woman never has a bad day; it drives me crazy.
It's funny how most of us pass up a peer-stage with parents, and move straight on to the more parental guarding, guiding and judging stage. We know what they should do, how they should act, and when they're ready for new things. I definitely do this with mom, but she usually throws me for a loop, and makes me think I couldn't dream of being a step ahead of her. Sometimes she's 'set in her ways' as they say-unable or unwilling to see that something may have come along that could change things for the better. I explain it to her in a way I hope doesn't sound condescending, and she gets a light in her eyes that tells you not only that she gets it, but that she understands every aspect of it-ones you don't even understand-the chemistry or physics behind it that makes you think she could've invented it herself. Other times she comes home with ideas or things I didn't even think she knew existed (a Nintendo DS comes to mind).
I think of myself as worldly and know that I don't really NEED help with anything-there are a lot of things I've done by myself (plumbing, electrical work, car maintenance, etc.) that I never thought I could do alone-but I find myself asking her everyday questions, ones I know a mother will be able to tell her daughter; and wonder how other people figure stuff out. Like what's the difference between poaching and boiling? Do grown-up bees eat honey? What's better- a CD or a mutual fund? I think I just don't want to take for granted this wealth of knowledge from an infinitely forgiving and friendly place. Why look it up on Wikipedia when you can make someone happy by asking them to share their expertise? That, and Wiki wouldn't know that my grade-school secretary/nurse/den mother's name was Ms. Schnoebelen (strike of pure genius, remembering that one). There are other times, though (what's this Hoo-Hah stuff?), when she looks to me, and then I feel like I'm on my way to being able to pass this oral exam of life.